If you hate Capitalism then just write everything in lower case
- Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
- Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!
Please put more jokes here
Collapse
X
Collapse
-
-
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?
Their last hit was the wall"If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
I bought my wife a fridge for her birthday.
I know it's not the greatest gift, but you should have seen her face light up, when she opened it."If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work.
The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country."If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
My wife treats me like God.
She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something."If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
for Scooter
An Englishman, a Scotsman and a Jew were eating out at a restaurant one night.
When the bill was presented to the trio, the Scotsman was heard to say: "I'll pay that. It's £150, I'll pay that."
You probably saw the headline on the Mirror's front page the next day:
JEWISH VENTRILOQUIST SHOT DEAD IN RESTAURANT"If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
If God meant us to be vegetarian, why did he make animals out of meat?"If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
What's less than a centimeter long and smells of pork?
Kermit's dick"If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
Originally posted by vetran View PostAn Englishman, a Scotsman and a Jew were eating out at a restaurant one night.
When the bill was presented to the trio, the Scotsman was heard to say: "I'll pay that. It's £150, I'll pay that."
You probably saw the headline on the Mirror's front page the next day:
JEWISH VENTRILOQUIST SHOT DEAD IN RESTAURANTComment
-
Originally posted by missinggreenfields View PostIs there a reason why the religion of the ventriloquist is relevant?"If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
- Home
- News & Features
- First Timers
- IR35 / S660 / BN66
- Employee Benefit Trusts
- Agency Workers Regulations
- MSC Legislation
- Limited Companies
- Dividends
- Umbrella Company
- VAT / Flat Rate VAT
- Job News & Guides
- Money News & Guides
- Guide to Contracts
- Successful Contracting
- Contracting Overseas
- Contractor Calculators
- MVL
- Contractor Expenses
Advertisers
Contractor Services
CUK News
- IR35 on the ground: Where SThree is seeing off-payroll compliance (with a little help from itself) Today 09:45
- IR35: A contractor's overview to personal service Today 09:30
- Labour Business vice-chair backs Single Enforcement Body and off-payroll rules reversal Yesterday 10:22
- Where Hunt's Brexit claims won't stack up to Brits longing to work abroad Yesterday 09:52
- Government signals Single Enforcement Body as dead in the water Feb 3 09:57
- Contractor MVL Solution from SFP Feb 2 15:41
- IR35: With secondary factors as his props, Stuart Barnes got over the line with 'in-business' Feb 2 10:25
- Contractors' Questions: Is an HMRC list some 15 years too late a remedy to Disguised Remuneration? Feb 2 09:37
- What Big Tech layoffs mean for the UK's IT contractors Feb 1 09:16
- Missed yesterday's tax deadline? Contractors, you should act now Feb 1 08:05
Comment