Children with ADHD. Real or bad parenting?

[Uncle Albert]

Oh, the delicious irony.



I just came here looking for something, saw how this thread started, thought, 'Figures' and came to the end and saw your most recent post.

Your nastiness, total lack of empathy and constant sniping to cause pain are the reasons I no longer frequent this site. I am one of the many you pushed away.

I could no longer bear the pain and anger you were causing me and others with your total lack of ability to understand that when people ask for help online with real life crises, they were suffering and seeking supportive guidance and advice, not your standard heartless and belittling responses. You promoted a culture of hardness and unsympathetic humiliation on this site. Perhaps your child is modelling himself on his father.

Want help or TLC? Here's some:

Grow some and toughen up.

Yeah, that kid is definitely yours. Assuming your posts are even genuine.

I think you have rather misjudged the tone of MFs post.
Bringing up children with special needs is not easy and sometimes the only way to cope is use humour. Spod is more than able to take a joke.

[vetran]

Spod is more than able to take a joke.

course he is, he knows MF!

[MarillionFan]

Oh, the delicious irony.



I just came here looking for something, saw how this thread started, thought, 'Figures' and came to the end and saw your most recent post.

Your nastiness, total lack of empathy and constant sniping to cause pain are the reasons I no longer frequent this site. I am one of the many you pushed away.

I could no longer bear the pain and anger you were causing me and others with your total lack of ability to understand that when people ask for help online with real life crises, they were suffering and seeking supportive guidance and advice, not your standard heartless and belittling responses. You promoted a culture of hardness and unsympathetic humiliation on this site. Perhaps your child is modelling himself on his father.

Want help or TLC? Here's some:

Grow some and toughen up.

Yeah, that kid is definitely yours. Assuming your posts are even genuine.

I always like to think my posting style was harsh, but fair and I was always generous to posters who interacted with me. And on that basis let me get you some gravy for that chip you’ve got :-)

[vetran]

[MarillionFan]

And now the first permanent exclusion looms. Now referred to a special behavioural unit, he will be attending a special unit to see if he can be helped.

He now hits the floor or throws chairs / things everytime he is startled by a loud noise. Talking normally one second, rolling around like a lunatic the other. The complaints have started the last few weeks from other parents who's children have now become anxious, or he's hit when he's having a meltdown, pushing people away from him. Wearing ear protectors when we go out, getting odd looks all the time and now other parents turning away, at other times he's funny, clever & engaging.

I know in my heart where this will go eventually. F-uck it.

The most frustrating thing about this original thread was that I played through all of the combinations of where this would go over the years with the behavioural issues occuring from his ASD/ADHD/ and PDA causing extreme anxiety. Jail, suicide or sectioning was what I thought was going to happen. That may seem an odd thing to preclude but that was my whole person & career was based on (analytics/modelling & prediction). I think of all outcomes and how to move something in the direction required.

I have changed my career to be closer to home & to spend more time supporting. We've tried everything the doctors / schools / professionals have said, even though the are disjointed but yet the issues still continue.

So we have now hit self harming (only in school) in the last month, one suicide attempt a few weeks back & the psychiatrist has increased medication & said he may have to section if there are no improvements. We now at least have a diagnosis to say he has Tourettes.

At home there are no issues, in school and among groups of people his anxiety is off the scale and he just paces or sits in a room accessing no lessons. The school happy to take the money.

So I suppose I'd better re-evaluate again. One of those three is going to happen unless... So we're off to move to the countryside. Off to home school and take him out of any type of schooling & trying to set up groups / contacts with other parents with complex kids.

Looks like we're going to have to become hippies in the countryside & I may have to prostitute myself again with some on the side contracting for easy cash. Anyone hiring mid 50 year olds now???

[GJABS]

We've tried everything the doctors / schools / professionals have said, even though the are disjointed but yet the issues still continue.

I'm not a great fan of the effectiveness of the education and medical establishment, particularly of the state sector. While they try hard they are pretty useless. For example I was seen several times back in 2010 by an NHS consultant psychiatrist for depression. He failed to work out that I was autistic and that this was driving it (it was a private psychiatrist costing £400/hour who worked it out, years later, and I have been mainly recovered ever since).
I would recommend going private for a consultation, if you have not already.

In addition, buy books on Amazon about the conditions your son has (again if you have not already). Don't buy the official medical books, look for those with reviews that say they have actually helped out. There is a lot of wisdom out there.
My opinion, for what it's worth, is that most mental health problems can be resolved or worked around through a psycho-social approach, rather than with medication. People are lonely, for instance, and this can mess with your mind.

Don't be afraid to accept the possibility that you might be the problem. You no doubt don't intend to be the problem, but you might be mistaken perhaps.

good luck.

[NickFitz]

The most frustrating thing about this original thread was that I played through all of the combinations of where this would go over the years with the behavioural issues occuring from his ASD/ADHD/ and PDA causing extreme anxiety. Jail, suicide or sectioning was what I thought was going to happen. That may seem an odd thing to preclude but that was my whole person & career was based on (analytics/modelling & prediction). I think of all outcomes and how to move something in the direction required.

I have changed my career to be closer to home & to spend more time supporting. We've tried everything the doctors / schools / professionals have said, even though the are disjointed but yet the issues still continue.

So we have now hit self harming (only in school) in the last month, one suicide attempt a few weeks back & the psychiatrist has increased medication & said he may have to section if there are no improvements. We now at least have a diagnosis to say he has Tourettes.

At home there are no issues, in school and among groups of people his anxiety is off the scale and he just paces or sits in a room accessing no lessons. The school happy to take the money.

So I suppose I'd better re-evaluate again. One of those three is going to happen unless... So we're off to move to the countryside. Off to home school and take him out of any type of schooling & trying to set up groups / contacts with other parents with complex kids.

Looks like we're going to have to become hippies in the countryside & I may have to prostitute myself again with some on the side contracting for easy cash. Anyone hiring mid 50 year olds now???

Sorry to hear that MF, and I hope you're able to get him more settled.

I'm older than you and still finding work, so you should be OK

[saptastic]

Best of luck MarillionFan

It is definitely one of the hardest things to manage - and not takeover everything - as the education sector is so structured.
For 90% of the kids they get through the school years with the odd up and down.
But those who struggle with social anxiety or outside of the mainstream it is a difficult time.
Good luck with the homeschooling. There are more important parts to life than academic results through a structured school route.

[northernladuk]

The most frustrating thing about this original thread was that I played through all of the combinations of where this would go over the years with the behavioural issues occuring from his ASD/ADHD/ and PDA causing extreme anxiety. Jail, suicide or sectioning was what I thought was going to happen. That may seem an odd thing to preclude but that was my whole person & career was based on (analytics/modelling & prediction). I think of all outcomes and how to move something in the direction required.

Sorry to hear. On a side note does he excel in anything? My stepson is on the spectrum which makes him socially akward and can't do the simplest of tasks around the house yet he's nailed a 1st class in Maths without lifting a finger this year. He's more comfortable doing the GCHQ quiz than he is holding a conversation so we've got something to focus on. Your lad show any areas he excels in? It's highly possible it's not something obvious like maths and could be something he's not even tried yet.

Looks like we're going to have to become hippies in the countryside & I may have to prostitute myself

I don't think that is going to work too well if you don't mind me saying...

again with some on the side contracting for easy cash. Anyone hiring mid 50 year olds now???

Ah.. right.. as you were..

53 year old still doing OK if that helps.

Chin up and carry on fella.

[ladymuck]

I have nothing useful to contribute, not having any experience of what you're going through, but I can give you a