Long story short: Will you marry me ?

[barrydidit]

Piss off.

From memory, Platypus and I have history.



He helped me out of my t-shirts once, a long time ago.

ftfy

[Pondlife]

Quite possibly not.

It could successfully ruin her positive perception of him, thus solving his problem swiftly.

MP is on to something here. Clearly she has some rather unrealistic views on romance and courtship and so an evening of you sweating in her eyes and disappointingly trying to get a cooked noodle into action could be just the ticket.

[MaryPoppins]

Ok thanks. But I'm clearly a dick-head for getting myself into this mess too.

You really are. Good luck!

[vetran]

Piss off.

ooh

its just a little ribbing..... ooh er missus.

[MaryPoppins]

MP is on to something here. Clearly she has some rather unrealistic views on romance and courtship and so an evening of you sweating in her eyes and disappointingly trying to get a cooked noodle into action could be just the ticket.

That is the best description of disappointing sex I have ever read.

[d000hg]

sweating in her eyes

That sounds like a rather gross euphemism.

[Platypus]

MP is on to something here. Clearly she has some rather unrealistic views on romance and courtship and so an evening of you sweating in her eyes and disappointingly trying to get a cooked noodle into action could be just the ticket.

Good plan, but see my EDIT addition

EDIT: oh and she lives in another country, so I can't just pop over later, give her a quick one, disappoint her and solve the problem. This has got to be managed remotely. If I want to give her a wretched shag I'm going to keep this charade going for another 6 weeks until I see her again. Far too stressful for me. This is doing my head in.

[jamesbrown]

me: I've often thought about living and working in (country where she lives)
her: Will you marry me? That'd enable you to do that, right?
me: well I did think about asking you [true: like a bastard, I did think about using her in order to get residency rights]
her: well I'd absolutely do it tomorrow
me: let's think about this

I'm trying to work out which one of you is more insane Probably her, to be fair, but did you misjudge this as a bit of banter? It's kind of missing the banter part; I mean, what's the "let's think about this" part, FFS?

[MaryPoppins]

Good plan, but see my EDIT addition

EDIT: oh and she lives in another country, so I can't just pop over later, give her a quick one, disappoint her and solve the problem. This has got to be managed remotely. If I want to give her a wretched shag I'm going to keep this charade going for another 6 weeks until I see her again. Far too stressful for me. This is doing my head in.

Does she know about GF?

Caution should be exercised, I should think. You may need to consider making up a whopping lie.

[d000hg]

Good plan, but see my EDIT addition

EDIT: oh and she lives in another country, so I can't just pop over later, give her a quick one, disappoint her and solve the problem. This has got to be managed remotely. If I want to give her a wretched shag I'm going to keep this charade going for another 6 weeks until I see her again. Far too stressful for me. This is doing my head in.

Send her a photo of 'your' tiny tackle. If yours won't suffice, someone on CUK can help

If the tiny willy doesn't do it, the fact you send her a naked pic of your bits might.