Please put more jokes here

[BrilloPad]

101.What's the plural of "dentrifice?"
"Dentrifeces?"

102.Q: What does a women do with her
ass hole before having sex?
A: Drop him off at the golf course.

103.A woman is talking to her
girlfriend, a masochist. She asks her,
"Why do you go out with that sadist?"
Her friend replied
"beats me."

104.What's the difference between
"unlawful" and "illegal"?
For one you can be arrested; the
other's a sick bird.

105.Then there was the choirboy who
asked the nun, "Why do you always dress
like a penguin?" She replied, "It's a
habit."

106.Roads scholar
a squirrel that made it all the way
across the street.

107.I asked my old horse how many oats
he wanted today and he just raised his
tail and said, "Aphewwwww...!

108.A bachelor has to have inspiration
for making love to a woman
a married man needs only an excuse.

109.And still another who, none too
bright, stayed at her corner all day
because she heard that men were laying
pavement and wanted to see how it was
done.

110.There was a man who painted rabbits
all over his bald head.
Claimed they liiked like hares from
a distance.

[BrilloPad]

111.What's six inches long that women
love?
Money

112.Whats the difference between a pig
and a fox?
About four drinks.

113.How do you say **** You in Yiddish?

Trust me.

114.When I die, I want to go quietly---
like Grandfather did, in his sleep---
Not yelling and screaming like
those people in his car.

115.Denial:
A river in Egypt.

116.Just remember, if you think sex is
a pain in the ass,
You're not doing it right.

117.Remember, A trombone player is the
ONLY musician who can ...
achieve success by letting things
slide!!!!

118.How do you make a cat drink?
Put it in a blender.

119.Whats the difference between a
Lawyer and a Carp? One is a bottom
feeding,scum sucking scavanger
and the other is a fish!

120.Curt Gowdy: What do you like
better, Astro Turf, or Grass.
Baseball Player: I don't know, I've
never smoked Astroturf.

[BrilloPad]

121.Tourist: Do people often fall off
this cliff?
Guide: No sir, once is usually
enough.

122.My love life is so bad that
I carry a picture of my own hand in
my wallet.

123.Why didn't the Israelis listen to
Bush?
The last time they listened to a
bush, they ended up spending 40 years in
the desert!

124.There were several buzzards around
a very bad stink. One of them said.
Boy, this one has been out here a
looooong time. Thank God for ketchup.

125.Kinney Shoes: "We only sell the
right shoe!"
Question: Where do you go to get
the left shoe?

126.The three kinds of sex: Bedroom
sex:Having sex in the bedroom, house
sex:Having sex everywhere in the house,
hallway sex:Saying "**** you" as you
pass them.

127.Q:What do you call a Russian
******?
A: Tossyourcockoff

128.Q. what is the difference between
michael jackson and a plastic bag?
A. ones white, plastic and
dangerous to children and the other is a
plastic bag.

129.Q: What do you call a woman with
one leg?
A: Ilene

130.Follow up...
Q:What do you call a Chinese woman
with one leg?
A: Irene

[BrilloPad]

131.Q: How can you tell youre at a
bulimic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl

132.Q: How do you make 5 pounds of fat
look good
A: Put nipples on it

133.Q: Whats the difference between
oral sex and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your whole day,
anal sex makes your hole weak.

134.Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?
A: You push it to the side before
you start eating

135.If your wife keeps coming out of
the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
done wrong?
A: made her chain too long

136.Q: Whats brown and often found in
childrens underpants?
A: Michael Jachsons hand

137.Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both of them spend more time in
your wallet than on your dick

138.Q: What is the similarity between a
woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A: By the time youve finished with
the breast and thighs, all you have is a
greasy box to put your bone in

139.Q: How are tornadoes like marriage?

A: They both begin with a lot of
blowing and sucking, and in the end you
loose your house

140.Q: Why doesnt mexico have an
olympic team?
A: because all those who can run,
jump and swim are already in America

[BrilloPad]

Two guys are drinking at the bar one
night till closing time. After
the bar closes, they go to a friend's
house and drink even more.

About 4:30 am, guy1 says to guy2, "I
gotta go home. My wife is gonna
kill me."

guy2 says "Aw, don't worry about it, you
can make it up to her."

guy1 looks nervous and says, "No, she
might actually kill me dead."

So guy2 says, "OK, here's what you do.
When you get home, go inside,
leave all the lights off. Take off your
shoes and sneak into the
bedroom then get naked and crawl into
bed from the foot end under the
covers. Crawl right up between her legs
and start licking her pussy.
Lick her pussy for all you're worth,
lick to save your marriage, lick
her pussy to save your life! She'll come
all over your face and then
roll over, fall asleep, and forgive
you."

So, guy1 says, "OK, I guess it's worth a
try." He goes home, sneaks
into the room, leaves the lights off,
takes off his shoes, takes off
his clothes and crawls into bed from the
foot end.

He crawls up between her legs and starts
to lick her pussy. He licks
her pussy for all he's worth. He licks
her pussy to save his
marriage, he licks her pussy to save his
life.

After an hour of moaning and thrashing
and bucking, his face is
completely covered with pussy juice and
she starts to come. She comes
over and over for three or four minutes
then she rolls over and falls
asleep.

"Well," he thinks, "Great! it worked!"

He slides out of bed and goes into the
bathroom to wash his face.
When he opens the bathroom door to come
back out, his wife is
standing there.

She says, "Shhh... be very quiet and
come into the living room. We're
sleeping in there while your mom stays
in our room."

[BrilloPad]

> A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist.
> The doctor took one look at this woman and all his
> professionalism went out the window.
>
> He immediately told her to undress. After she had
> disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh.
>
> Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what Im doing?"
>
"Yes", she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions
> or dermatological abnormalities."
>
"That is right", said the doctor. He then began to fondle
> her breasts.
>
"Do you know what Im doing now?" he asked.

"Yes", the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps
> or breast cancer."
>
"Correct", replied the shady doctor.

> Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual
> intercourse with her.
>
> He asked, "Do you know what Im doing now?"
>
"Yes", she said, "you're getting herpes; which is why I
> came here in the first place."

[BrilloPad]

A man walks into a chemist and says to the bloke
behind the counter, "Listen, I have three girls coming
over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, and I
need something to keep me horny... keep me potent."

The bloke reaches under the counter, unlocks the
bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box
marked with the label "Viagra Extra Strength" and
says, "Here, if you take this, you'll go NUTS for 12
hours!"

The man says, "Gimmie 3 boxes."

The next day the man walks into the same chemist,
right up to the same bloke and pulls down his pants.
The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the
man's willy is black and blue, and the skin is hanging
off in some places.

The man says, "Gimme a tube of Deep Heat."

The chemist replies,"DEEP HEAT???" You're not
going to put Deep Heat on that are you?"

The man says, "No, it's for my arms. The girls didn't
show up."

[BrilloPad]

DEATH TOLL CLIMBS IN AIR DISASTER
Ireland's Worst Air Disaster occurred today when a small two-seater
Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in
central Limerick. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 326
bodies so far and
expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a
coke.
The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.
She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the
machine
keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind the
blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before
stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde
spins around and
shouts in her face: "Can't you see I'm winning!."

[BrilloPad]

Two blondes were walking through the woods
and they came to some tracks.
The first blonde said "These look like deer tracks," and
the other one said, "No, they look like moose tracks."
They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing
when the train hit them.

[BrilloPad]

A wife asks her husband, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"
"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need
companionship."

"If I died and you remarried," the wife asks, "would she live in this
house?"
"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want
it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess she would."

"If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house," the wife
asks, "would she sleep in our bed?"
"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2,000. It's going to last
a long time, so I guess she would."

"If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house and slept in
our bed, would she use my golf clubs?"
"Oh, no," the husband replies. "She's left-handed."