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Please put more jokes here

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    Do not drink and wrap presents.

    Also, if anybody gets a remote control for Christmas, I'm gonna need that back.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      So glad I watched the World Cup final, learned a new phrase.

      'French Fightback'.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Lewis Capaldi's song Someone You Loved has been streamed 2.6 billion times on Spotify.

        A spokesman for the site said, 'His cheque for twenty quid is in the post.'
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          What’s the difference between “pullover” and “jumper”?


          I’ve been asked by policewomen to pullover.
          {emotionless greeting}

          Three Word Slogan

          Comment


            Originally posted by WTFH View Post
            What’s the difference between “pullover” and “jumper”?


            I’ve been asked by policewomen to pullover.
            40 years ago my mate was asked by a police woman to Jump her! His missus was not impressed, that randy sod.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              I went for a job at the Royal Mail sorting office yesterday. After the interview I was given a tour of the depot.
              I asked the guy taking the tour "What's that machine?"
              "That's the Acme 3000 Auto Sorter System. It can sort 150,000 letters an hour and it's 99.5% accurate. It's controlled by 12 supercomputers, each of which is 5000 times more powerful than an average desktop PC. It has over 15,000 state-of-the-art optical location identification sensors, contains enough circuit boards to entirely cover the pitch at the new Wembley stadium and it has 200 miles of fibre-optic cable. It cost over ?100 million to develop," he boasted proudly.
              "What happens to the letters after it's finished sorting them?" I asked.
              "We give them to a bloke on a push bike."
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Seventy eight percent of British MPs are millionaires.

                Which makes twenty two percent who can't fill their expense claims in properly.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  I'm never buying a Liverpool advent calender ever again. All the windows are smashed in and someone stole all the chocolates
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Just a quick reminder to all cat owners:

                    Now is the time to start feeding gold and silver glitter to your cats if you want to add that festive touch to your neighbour's flower beds.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Paddy goes to hardware store to buy a chainsaw Salesman said this good value You'll do about 40 to 50 trees a day with this So paddy buys it
                      Week later he takes it back complaining it was faulty coz he had only done 25 trees in a week Salesman checks everything and couldn't find nothing wrong He then pulled the cord to start it up then paddy says what's that noise?
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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