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Please put more jokes here

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    The Verve are playing a gig at our dilapidated village hall.


    It will have to be an acoustic set though, because the plugs don't work.
    {emotionless greeting}

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      I've had a brilliant idea, where illegal immigrants have to hunt down child molesters for a chance to win citizenship.

      It'll be called aliens vs predators
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

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        one for Warty:

        I walked in the pub with my missus and the barman said, "Punching above your weight there aren't you, pal? Where did you find her?"

        "I met her in Thailand," I replied. "We're due to get married next month."

        "You don't want to get married," he said. "That's when the blowjobs stop."

        "I don't mind that," I replied. "I hate giving them to her
        anyway."
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

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          I feel so lucky to have my sheepdog because good ones are hard to come-bye.
          {emotionless greeting}

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            I opened 3 birthday cards yesterday and I feel so grateful for all the money I received.


            Being a postman has such great perks.
            {emotionless greeting}

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              It’s my wife’s birthday in a couple of weeks and she’s been leaving jewellery catalogs all over our house.



              So I've taken the hint and got her a magazine rack.
              {emotionless greeting}

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                *Enter New Password*


                PopeyewithnoSpinach



                *Password is not strong enough*
                {emotionless greeting}

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                  Lots of people in my meditation class have complained about the teacher so now he has been referred to the ommmmmmmbudsman.
                  {emotionless greeting}

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                    I've almost finished my A to Z of Lionel Richie songs, but I'm stuck on u.
                    {emotionless greeting}

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                      I don?t think the Man Utd WAGs have anything to worry about. I've not seen a bunch of men play away so badly in my lifetime.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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