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Please put more jokes here

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    My grandfather broke his leg by standing on a door mat.

    I probably should have explained the concept of a helter skelter.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Texas says abortion can remain legal but the baby gets an AR-15 to defend itself.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        If it weren't for Arabs we'd never have 9/11.

        Instead we'd have IX/XI.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          What's black and white and desperate for attention?

          Gary Linekar
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Nobody was interested in my carpentry class until I offered to teach them how to make glory holes.

            Now they're all coming out of the woodwork.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              '...My Dentist says I need a crown.

              FINALLY!

              Someone who appreciates me.'
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Welcome to the Assumption Club.

                I think we all know why we're here.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  First time I met my wife I immediately thought "what an arse"
                  Sadly, so did she about me.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Flaming British tradesmen!
                    Just paid a chippie £300 to build me a double bed and the idiot has done a bunk!
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Doctor, doctor. I keep thinking I'm a supermarket.
                      Doctor: How long have you felt like this?
                      Me: Since I was Lidl.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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