How does a polygamist hippie count his wives?
One Mrs. Hippie, two Mrs. Hippie, three Mrs. Hippie......
One Mrs. Hippie, two Mrs. Hippie, three Mrs. Hippie......
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Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. -
“What’s your name, son?” a principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.”
“Do you have a stutter?” asked the principal. The student answered, “No sir, but my dad has a stutter and the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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What did the cannibals eat in Tokyo?
RawmenAlways forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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I was watching the women's volleyball. 2 minutes in there was a wrist injury
Don't worry though I'm alright nowAlways forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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NAT said to his wife while in the bedroom "Your underwear is too tight and revealing"
"Wear your own then" she replied..Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Scarlett Johansson is on a plane that crashes on a remote island.
She and some regular guy are the only two survivors. They make the best of their situation, scavenge what supplies they can from the plane, and try to keep going.
They build a little hut on the beach and - both of them having certain "needs" - eventually start hooking up.
This keep going as months turn into years and they fall in love. One day she notices he looks depressed. Scarlett says to him, "Listen, that plane crash was the best thing that ever happened to me because it means that the two of us are together. If there is anything at all I can do to cheer you up, please let me know."
He tells her, "Actually, there is something. Put on a set of my clothes and tuck your hair up under one of my hats. Rub mud on your face so it looks like a beard and start walking down the beach." Scarlett thinks this is weird but, wanting to make him happy, goes along with it. Once she gets about 200 yards down she turns around and sees her boyfriend running up to her shouting, "BRO! BRO! You'll never believe who I'm sleeping with!"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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My girlfriend walked into the room and said “Do these jeans make me look fat?”
“do you promise not to get mad no matter what I say?” I asked
“Yes” she replied
“I shagged your sister”Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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I’ve just been banned from my support group for people sexually attracted to buildings.
I'm feeling a little flat now.…Maybe we ain’t that young anymoreComment
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The price of petrol is now so high, it's cheaper to buy cocaine and run everywhere.Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!Comment
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The impact from Brexit has really started to hit my fart joke business.
I used to have three people working for me but I've just let one go.…Maybe we ain’t that young anymoreComment
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