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Please put more jokes here

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    Marriage Therapist: So why do you want to end your marriage?

    Mrs BP #4: Because of all the Star Wars puns.

    BP: Divorce is strong with this one.
    I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
    Hands... out infractions
    Face... the music
    Space... between the ears

    Comment


      Only a FOOL would buy IKEA furniture.

      Instead I just download the instructions and keep emailing their service dept to say that I am missing a piece, until they ship me all the pieces over a six month period
      I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
      Hands... out infractions
      Face... the music
      Space... between the ears

      Comment


        Originally posted by shaunbhoy View Post
        Only a FOOL would buy IKEA furniture. Instead I just download the instructions and keep emailing their service dept to say that I am missing a piece, until they ship me all the pieces over a six month period.
        Originally posted by WTFH View Post
        Only a FOOL would buy IKEA furniture.

        Instead I just download the instructions and keep emailing their service dept to say that I am missing a piece, until they ship me all the pieces over a six month period
        Please try to keep track of your sockies....

        Comment


          Once upon a time, there was a lady who had a hundred children. Being somewhat deprived of creativity, she named them all in the order that they were born "One", "Two", "Three" and so on.

          Tragically, 99 of the children were all killed in an accident, and the only one who survived was Ninety.

          Ninety grew up and had a happy life (apart from losing 99 of her siblings), got married, and ended up having some children of her own. The one thing that she couldn't stand was to have pets - the children pestered her to get a dog but she was adamant that this was a pet-free house.

          One day, the children found a stray dog and decided to adopt it. They kept it hidden from their mother, and named it "This" so that they could refer to it without arousing her suspicions. The would say "let's take This outside," for example rather than saying that the dog needed to go for a walk.

          Sadly, the dog passed away after not too long, but through their grief they managed to keep the secret and never let their mother know that they had a dog who died. And still, to this day, she is oblivious and nobody else knows about the long-departed family pet, apart from the children.

          Only Ninety's children remember This.
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          Comment


            Made a ouija board to contact my dad and he spent three hours spelling out how I'd sanded the edges wrong.
            “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

            Comment


              Mike & the Mechanics WEREN’T REAL MECHANICS.

              In other news, my last five MoTs have been invalidated.
              “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

              Comment


                BBC News : ‘Man dies after gorging himself to death on Aeros.’

                His family described him as 'bubbly.’
                I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
                Hands... out infractions
                Face... the music
                Space... between the ears

                Comment


                  My wife was mad with me because I clogged the kitchen sink.
                  "Get down from there!" she said "and take those stupid wooden shoes off."
                  I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
                  Hands... out infractions
                  Face... the music
                  Space... between the ears

                  Comment


                    I've just been reading about all of the corruption in tennis, and frankly I'm shocked at the amount of backhands
                    I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
                    Hands... out infractions
                    Face... the music
                    Space... between the ears

                    Comment


                      BP and his son were driving along the countryside.

                      The son looked out the window and said, "Daddy, what are those two cows doing?"

                      "They are making sweet, tender love," BP stated, stopping the car.

                      "Is that how you and mummy made me?" he asked.

                      BP said, "Yes, in the middle of a field, next to a lay-by while other people watched us."
                      I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
                      Hands... out infractions
                      Face... the music
                      Space... between the ears

                      Comment

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