Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

Look, I’m all for women’s lib and all that political correctness crap, but when is MEN’s football coming home?

[WTFH]

The "CAP" in "Energy Price Cap" is about as much use as the "CONTROL" in "Take Back Control"

[vetran]

I like my women the way I like my North Sea oil reserves.
Light sweet and crude

[vetran]

I was attacked by a Mime Artist yesterday, the bastard did things to me that were unspeakable.

[vetran]

They claim Saudi Arabia's Neom city will be carbon neutral.
Probably because they deduct the potential carbon footprint of the workers who die during the construction.

[vetran]

When Ray Davies of the Kinks was at University, he had a tendency of visiting the library and taking out books on pornography.......

He was .....ahem....... an educated borrower of passion....

[vetran]

one for LM

There's a lot of murders in my neighbourhood but the rent is cheap.

That's why I keep murdering people in my neighbourhood.

[vetran]

I'm opening a beauty salon exclusively for Dwarves.

Go on, treat the missus to a minicure.

[vetran]

I once bought a pair of work boots from my Uncle Mick.

He was a superstitious sort, said they were haunted. Bargain.

Soon after I bought them, weird things started happening.

I would find muddy footprints in the house, as if they had been walking.

I would find scuffmarks on the floor as if they had been dancing.

But what made me mental was when it spoke to me about wanting to see Paris.

I rang my Uncle Mick to finally tell him what I'd witnessed.

"Yeah mate" he said. "They have soles".

[vetran]

i never realised how perverted some estate agents are, only the other day whilst browsing through some photo's of houses the male assistant offered to show me his semi, i tell you, i was out of there before you could say " has it had a dampcourse"...