Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my wife walking down the aisle towards me.

My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable.

It seemed to take an age, but eventually there she was, stood beside me.

I gave her a cheeky wink and said,

"Get that trolley over here love; they're doing three cases of Stella for the price of two!"

[NotAllThere]

Where do gardeners go to retire?


Barrow-in-Furness.

[WTFH]

I call my wife 'her indoors' because she looks like Jim Morrison.

[WTFH]

Just written a compilation album of cat vomit noises.



I'm calling it Now That's What I Call Mewsick.

[vetran]

for warty

My premature ejaculation is getting that bad, the girlfriend has to take the Morning After pill the night before

[vetran]

Christ, it's hot.



I'm sweating like the crew on an Alec Baldwin film set.

[vetran]

sadly true

I got asked who I would prefer as PM, Sunak or Truss. "

It's a bit like asking me if I preferred Harold Shipman as my doctor, or Jimmy Saville as my babysitter, " I replied.

[vetran]

Former Formula One boss Bernie Ecclestone will face charges of fraud after an investigation by UK tax authorities that allegedly found undeclared assets worth more than £400m overseas.

I reckon they just misunderstood when he told them he was a bit short.

[vetran]

Congratulations to everybody who survived the 48 hour Great Melt.

So that's climate change done, what's next?

[vetran]

My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction.


So I packed up my stuff and right.