Please put more jokes here

[BrilloPad]

I see this thread won 2nd place in most popular thread of the year

[EternalOptimist]

I see this thread won 2nd place in most popular thread of the year

we was robbed

[EternalOptimist]

train jokes..contd

A man U fan, an Everton fan, a dolly bird and an old lady are in a train compartment.
The two footy fans are dying for a scrap, but they fancy the dolly bird even more, so they keep quiet.
The train goes into a tunnel and there is a loud kiss followed by a loud slap.
When the train comes out of the tunnel, the Man Utd fan is sitting there holding a bloody nose.

The old lady - 'ah , isnt that romantic, handome young man gives the girl a kiss and she defends her honour by slapping him'

The young lady 'ah , typical. The young stud kisses the old bag by mistake and she clocks him one. serves him right'

Man Utd fan 'bloody hell. Everton fan kisses the bird and she gobs me by mistake. Typical'

Everton fan 'You got to laugh. Kiss the back of your hand, smack a manc in the beak. And no one says a fkin dickie bird'

[BrilloPad]

we was robbed

You did okay.....

[zara_backdog]

Glossary of Planning Terms

This is a glossary of regularly used terms and phrases associated with project planning, compiled to ensure that all Project and Programme members have a common understanding of the complicated jargon used by the planning team to confuse and delude Project Managers, Programme Managers and anyone involved in signing timesheets.

Critical Path Analysis
Shortest route between work and the local pub

Barchart
Price List at the local pub

Float
Remaining Beer kitty

End Stage Assessment
Who's round is it next

Mid Stage Assessment
If I slow up drinking Len will get the next round in

Progress Report
How much beer left in the glass?

Plan
Blank sheet of paper to carry round

Milestone
Paul buys a round

PERT Chart
Grading of best looking girls in the pub

Time Analysis
Can we get another pint in before last orders?

Earned Value
The Pay Cheque

BCWS
Beer Consumption When Sober

BCWP
Beer Consumption When Pissed

ACWP
Always Check When Paid

Timesheet
Is that the time?!!! oh sheeeet

Slip
Being first at the bar

GANTT
Get Absolutely Nowhere Telling Truth

[EternalOptimist]

train joke


this nun is sitting on the train doing the times crossword
next to her is the mother superior
oposite is the bishop , reading the times

the nun is looking out of the window, puzzled, biting her pencil


mother superior - 'what is it ?'

nun - 'essentially feminine, four letters, *unt'

mother superior - 'well now, that must be aunt'

bishop - 'cough, cough splutter'
bishop - 'can someone lend me a rubber ?'

[BrilloPad]

A woman comes home to find her man blow-drying his penis. 'What on eath are you doing?' she exclaims.

He replies: 'Just heating up your dinner.'

[BrilloPad]

She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the t-shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in almost awake she turned and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment. '

My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day.'
Not wanting to lose the moment I embraced her and then gave it my all right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her t-shirt still around her neck. A little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'
She explained, 'The egg timer's broken. '
Women are very mean.

[AtW]

SFW:
http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/m...HMANBEGINS.jpg

[BrilloPad]

http://stackoverflow.com/questions/8...rammer-cartoon