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Please put more jokes here

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    I see this thread won 2nd place in most popular thread of the year


      Originally posted by BrilloPad View Post
      I see this thread won 2nd place in most popular thread of the year
      we was robbed
      ("")("") Born to Drink. Forced to Work


        train jokes..contd

        A man U fan, an Everton fan, a dolly bird and an old lady are in a train compartment.
        The two footy fans are dying for a scrap, but they fancy the dolly bird even more, so they keep quiet.
        The train goes into a tunnel and there is a loud kiss followed by a loud slap.
        When the train comes out of the tunnel, the Man Utd fan is sitting there holding a bloody nose.

        The old lady - 'ah , isnt that romantic, handome young man gives the girl a kiss and she defends her honour by slapping him'

        The young lady 'ah , typical. The young stud kisses the old bag by mistake and she clocks him one. serves him right'

        Man Utd fan 'bloody hell. Everton fan kisses the bird and she gobs me by mistake. Typical'

        Everton fan 'You got to laugh. Kiss the back of your hand, smack a manc in the beak. And no one says a fkin dickie bird'

        ("")("") Born to Drink. Forced to Work


          Originally posted by EternalOptimist View Post
          we was robbed
          You did okay.....


            Glossary of Planning Terms

            This is a glossary of regularly used terms and phrases associated with project planning, compiled to ensure that all Project and Programme members have a common understanding of the complicated jargon used by the planning team to confuse and delude Project Managers, Programme Managers and anyone involved in signing timesheets.

            Critical Path Analysis
            Shortest route between work and the local pub

            Price List at the local pub

            Remaining Beer kitty

            End Stage Assessment
            Who's round is it next

            Mid Stage Assessment
            If I slow up drinking Len will get the next round in

            Progress Report
            How much beer left in the glass?

            Blank sheet of paper to carry round

            Paul buys a round

            PERT Chart
            Grading of best looking girls in the pub

            Time Analysis
            Can we get another pint in before last orders?

            Earned Value
            The Pay Cheque

            Beer Consumption When Sober

            Beer Consumption When Pissed

            Always Check When Paid

            Is that the time?!!! oh sheeeet

            Being first at the bar

            Get Absolutely Nowhere Telling Truth
            Just call me Matron - Too many handbags


              train joke

              this nun is sitting on the train doing the times crossword
              next to her is the mother superior
              oposite is the bishop , reading the times

              the nun is looking out of the window, puzzled, biting her pencil

              mother superior - 'what is it ?'

              nun - 'essentially feminine, four letters, *unt'

              mother superior - 'well now, that must be aunt'

              bishop - 'cough, cough splutter'
              bishop - 'can someone lend me a rubber ?'

              ("")("") Born to Drink. Forced to Work


                A woman comes home to find her man blow-drying his penis. 'What on eath are you doing?' she exclaims.

                He replies: 'Just heating up your dinner.'


                  She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the t-shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in almost awake she turned and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment. '

                  My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day.'
                  Not wanting to lose the moment I embraced her and then gave it my all right there on the kitchen table.
                  Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her t-shirt still around her neck. A little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'
                  She explained, 'The egg timer's broken. '
                  Women are very mean.