Reply to: Please put more jokes here

[sadkingbilly]

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his:
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said. "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked. “What’s your Business at this convention?"
“Lecturer." She responded. "I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
“Really?” He said. “And what kind of myths are there?”
“Well.” She explained. “One popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. "I’m Sorry." She said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name."
"Tonto." The man said. "Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba."

[sadkingbilly]

[sadkingbilly]

I've learned SO much from my mistakes, I'm going to make some MORE.

[sadkingbilly]

[sadkingbilly]

[WTFH]

The UK will soon have 11 living prime ministers/former prime ministers that's enough to make a football team.
Unfortunately most of them play on the right wing.

[sadkingbilly]

[Paddy]

Emergency, which service do you require?
Ambulance, a pedestrian has been run over.
What’s your location?
Eucalyptus Road.
Can you spell that?
hang on, I’ll drag him across to Pine Road and call you back.

[courtg9000]

So it’s Colombia and Switzerland later, or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as it’s also known

When Columbia play England its known as Supply vs Demand!

[NotAllThere]

My wife and I visited Thun on Monday. We sat down for lunch by Thunersee, which was very pleasant. She had the local speciality - a Thuner Sandwich.

[WTFH]

So it’s Colombia and Switzerland later, or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as it’s also known

[WTFH]

I feel so strongly about toilet graffiti that I've signed a partition.

[sadkingbilly]

A lobbyist on his way home from Parliament after a Parliamentary Enquiry into Trading Practices by Britain's leading Bank Executives is stuck in traffic. Several of the former Bank Executives and CEO's have agreed to return their extravagant Pensions.
Noticing a police officer, he winds down his window and asks: "What's the hold up Officer?" The policeman replies: "The Chief Executive of the U.K.'s largest Bank has become so depressed he's stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire because of the shame of what he has done."
"Myself and all the other motorcade police officers are taking up a collection because we feel sorry for him."
The lobbyist asks: "How much have you got so far?"
The Officer replies: "About 40 gallons, but a lot of officers are still siphoning."

[ladymuck]

[WTFH]

With the rocketing price of petrol, I've now filled the lawnmower up with vodka.


The grass is half cut.