child maintenance

[vetran]

Sorry to hear that, lets hope you manage to sort it reasonably.

From viewing other relationship breakups (Mrs V seems to have got used to me - no accounting for taste so hopefully I'm secure) it seems the female especially if they don't work feels entitled to more, despite reason and gets emotional.

Keep Calm, good luck, be generous it may be the only contact you get but not foolish you want to be able to spoil your kid yourself. Otherwise unemployed Uncle Tony will be taking them all to Disneyland (paying for it with your maintenance payments but they won't mention that - seen it done).

Transfer payments via a standing order or similar leave a paper trail. If you give her cash she can deny it and the CSA will chase you from the reports I have heard. Maybe pocket money & School trips via transfer / cheque as well. Just say its important and you want to make sure she gets the money!

[Gibbon]

Transfer payments via a standing order or similar leave a paper trail. If you give her cash she can deny it and the CSA will chase you from the reports I have heard. Maybe pocket money & School trips via transfer / cheque as well. Just say its important and you want to make sure she gets the money!

Good solid advice, my ex tried that trick.

A few words:

Don't be blackmailed with access. Sort out a reasonable routine and keep to it. Always let your child know the next time you see them and don't let them down, but also don't jump to every babysitting request etc, you also need a life. Sooner or later you may meet someone else and then if like what happened to me you would find Dante's Inferno an easier option.

[Peoplesoft bloke]

Cheers (mostly)

[northernladuk]

Try "Mumsnet".

The only answer he would get on there are 'Everything he ******* owns' or 'everything and the shirt off your back you filthy man' etc etc...

[mudskipper]

The only answer he would get on there are 'Everything he ******* owns' or 'everything and the shirt off your back you filthy man' etc etc...

Is this true? If one posts a reasonable question, which suggests an amicable and fair arrangement rather than detailing his 'crimes', will one not get a reasonable response from at least some of the posters?

[eek]

Is this true? If one posts a reasonable question, which suggests an amicable and fair arrangement rather than detailing his 'crimes', will one not get a reasonable response from at least some of the posters?

It would be hard to find the 1 potential fair post within the 500 insults.

[Troll]

Is this true? If one posts a reasonable question, which suggests an amicable and fair arrangement rather than detailing his 'crimes', will one not get a reasonable response from at least some of the posters?

women...reasonable...fair... amicable- does not compute!

[mudskipper]

It would be hard to find the 1 potential fair post within the 500 insults.

Googled - clicked on first result - most of the posters seem pretty reasonable. You're in danger of sounding like wim!

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_bei...nance-Payments

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_mo...hildcare-costs

[Scrag Meister]

When I was paying maintenance, the CSA recommendation was 10% for 1, 15% for 2, 20% for 3 and 25% for 4 or more.

I was paying 25% of my, then, net perm salary. They also stayed with me 2 nights most weekends. Kids have grown up or moved in with me or both So I stopped paying a few years back.

My daughter decided to move up to London 3 years ago and the ex-wife even accused me of engineering the move so I didn't have to pay maintenance. Like it was cheaper having my daughter living with me.

My last ever child benefit payment is coming in this month.

Having said all that I don't think it'll totally stop any time soon, I have a daughter still in education and a son at Uni. Still helping out where I can.

Just lucky that I am in a position to do so. Paid a £200 deposit the other week for my son's halls and then they came a took £1980 for the terms rent. Many parents couldn't manage that. Thankful to be a contractor.

[MyUserName]

My brother is just went through this. He is a private guy so I do not know the details but I do know that there was a truely amazing amount of malice from his ex wife. She walked out on him and he wanted to patch things up but she seemed to have some kind of break down and went crazy over it. At one point he had Christmas dinner with her parents and they did not invite her.

My only real advice is to not let it get personal and rise above the baiting and malice. Any angry reaction (anything from shouting at her to punching a wall) you give can be thrown up in court and you will look bad, even if it was understandable to a normal human.

You might get some situations where, for example, the children are making all of the excuses in the world to stay with you a little later because they miss you. Do not let them (even if it tears you heart up), you must stick to the exact timings - never give them anything to use against you.

Sorry things have gone wrong for your family, I hope things work out somehow.