Divorce while a contractor?

[Cyberman]

Please don't quote Cyberman, many of us have him on ignore to avoid his ill informed stupid ramblings. Judging by the quotes here he's still as bog useless even on this critical subject.

Sadly the cynical exploitation of any weapon of emotional and material blackmail is totally normal in this sort of situation and none of the parties will be thinking in a fair or rational manner.

Thanks for quoting me, pillock !!

[ASB]

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Everybody is different. What you need, and how you can deal with it is down to your individual nature.

I hope your chat went well and you make some progress. There is some good advice on how people have dealt with it, but that is only what is right for them.

[Peoplesoft bloke]

If she really is thinking along those lines she is a very immature lady who got married far too young without considering the responsibilities involved. It is indeed a problem with our current society that marriage splits are seemingly encouraged by government policies that are anti-marriage and self-responsibility, and pro single parenthood.

It must be reassuring for the OP to know that this would never have happened if only enough people had voted BNP.

[vetran]

Decision time

She may be unreasonable, she may be making the beast with two back with some scumbag, BUT she is the mother of your children and heir to half of everything in perpetuity. YOU CAN FIX IT or at least limit the damage.

1. Your eldest is old enough to get the full force of a nasty divorce, one child I know went through this (from age of 7) and after rebelling (moving in with a drug dealer / living in a squat) she luckily came to her senses at 17, it was close. Do you want that for them?

2. Your self harming could be dressed up as threats to take the kids down to the forest with a knife, get some help now! Even if you never meant to harm the kids a good lawyer will have you looking like Vlad the impaler. Get professional help (I say it again), were I your partner I'd be terrified and I'm a 250lb beefcake (well lardcake). Proving to a professional you were only distraught will help your case, taking it seriously will impress on her how much you care for your family, us men don't go to the doctors easily.

3. You mention she is worried about money, women get very nervous if the nest is threatened, if you have been through hard times before, she will only remember the bad times.

Remember "all you need is love" was by a bunch of blokes, "Diamonds are a girls best friend" was sung by a woman. Let the wife publicly hold the war chest (yeah I know it sounds counter intuitive but she feels in control & safe you can always have a little stashed away at your parents. If its in a bank account she gets half on divorce anyway).

If she needs independance sort her out an allowance (I give Mrs V a monthly allowance that covers the food etc + a bit more, any money she earns as a childminder / wedding photographer etc is hers, luckily most goes into savings or she kindly treats the family - I pay the gas bill and don't expect thanks). Encourage her to work at home (Mrs V was rubbish at the accounts so I sacked her) she is great as a childminder and it helps her self confidence no end. all big purchases should be her decision - takes all my skills at diplomacy sometimes. Sentence so far12 years and counting! (She still has a cute bum).

4. Unless you want this oik enjoying your missus & your wide screen telly you need to be smart, you managed to make her marry you against the competition do it again. You loved her once & vice versa so find it again.

Think "Breakfast at Tiffanys" not "50 ways to leave your lover". You have been away, she has felt unloved (probably totally unjustified but since when have lovers made sense?). Fix it (see point 1). Go to Relate etc, cosy up to her friends (if they say nice things about you she will go with the general opinion of her friends - don't make a pass at any of them, make them like you but make it clear you are off the market cuz you love the Mrs ), go for long talks while the kids at your mums etc. Her problems are yours, your problems are yours - tulip happens.

I know of two men who actually got custody of the kids, both had to fight like hell. One's wife was a full on alcholic, the others' wife used him as target practice during her kitchen implement throwing hobby. The ones who's wife were just getting a bit on the side are regulars in the playground on Saturday afternoon -the only time they get to see their kids if they are lucky.


my 2p, for Gods sake keep your head, you can't afford to get emotional when its this important.

GOOD LUCK.

[Cyberman]

That's good advice Vetran !!

[SallyAnne]

I went down stairs and drank a bottle of whiskey down in about 5 gulps and took the biggest baddest carving knife to my arm

Bloody hell!

She's doing the right thing - you sound like a loon mate. You do know that's not normal behaviour dont you? Just for finding a few test messages? (Regardless of what you were doing looking through her phone in the first place!!!)

Stay out the house, you're not in any state to salvage anything - you'll just make things worse for your kids.
Go and see a solicitor, and get things divided up as quickly and easiy as possible.
Then put your life back together, and go and see someone about your psychological issues.

[SallyAnne]

I'll light you a candle on Sunday.

And I'll go and find you a 4 leafed clover too - one of those things is bound to help!

[EternalOptimist]

And I'll go and find you a 4 leafed clover too - one of those things is bound to help!

watch it. I tell the jokes around here.

[SallyAnne]

WHS - you say your youngest is just 1 year old, women after birth (and during pregnancy) become all hormonal, they suffer from low self-esteem and need all the reassurance and attention they can get,... She is really after some appreciation and attention that's all,

At last, someone on here with some sense!

All the rest of you are like "oh this text fella will be feeding her stuff" and "she's obviously got someone in the background pulling herstrings" etc etc

NO!! She's already told you what's wrong - she's getting no attention!! It's got nothing to do with other people telling her anything - she's ******* lonely!

Regardless of whether she's pregnant, or just had a baby or whatever...womern are ALWAYS hormonal and ALWAYS need attention!

She's a mother with 3 young kids, a husband who works away....
She tells him that SHE needs attention, and what does he do? Takes a knife to his arm Instead of giving attention to her, he steals even more of it for himself.

She's better off on her own if this guy can't work out that she needs a fu*king cuddle once in a while.

[NotAllThere]

Drunk already S.A.? It's a bit early...

...
NO!! She's already told you what's wrong - she's getting no attention!! It's got nothing to do with other people telling her anything - she's frolicking lonely!

Regardless of whether she's pregnant, or just had a baby or whatever...womern are ALWAYS hormonal and ALWAYS need attention!
...

Yup.