Divorce while a contractor?

[NotAllThere]

Hi Mrs Pleomax has said she wants a divorce as I never show her affection any more! We have three children 6yo, 3 yo & 1 yo.

So that last time affection was showed was 21 months ago.

Now the question I have thinking the worse, (I dont want this to happen) is what do i actually earn?

Wrong question. Do you really care more about money than the kids, your wife (whom you promised to love for better or for worse)?

You sound in a bad way. Knife and alcohol. I did that - but I threatened to cut my own veins. That's the point I went and got some professional help.

When you mention X-box, you both seem awfully young. What you need to do is look after your family. That includes your wife. You should go and seek help for your own issues, and also for marriage guidance. For the latter ask her if she'll come along. Agree to nothing when you see her later. Just listen. Don't argue, don't defend yourself either.

Funny thing is, I've met two divorcees over the last few weeks, one man, one woman. Both have said that their marriage failed because they didn't treasure it enough, and didn't fight hard enough to protect it.

BrilloPad should only be listened to if it comes to the worse, and a divorce is inevitable. But if that happens - he knows what he's talking about!

[Platypus]

I can not believe she is using the children as pawns in this!

My ex has been blackmailing me using the kids ever since we separated.

In fact when I cancelled our private healthcare to save money, she told me I was being cruel to the children - because if she fell ill and had to wait for treatment, it would only hurt them.

What a cruel hearted b*stard I am

[Mich the Tester]

My parents were called to collect me in my broken down state.

I have been back since and apologised and expressed a wish to return to fatherly duties at the marital home but she said no.

I can not find any legal thing here, she said if i did that she would move out and take the children with her.

I can not believe she is using the children as pawns in this!

1 you’ve been traveling around working hard to earn money for the family. Meanwhile she hasn’t being doing her work; 2 out of 25 invoices is pretty crap and shows a lack of responsibility on her part for the business or the kids.

2 while you’re traveling around working your arse off she’s fannying about with some lovely person giving her compliments.

3 you had a breakdown, which I know is a bloody awful experience because I had one too, about 7 years ago. I didn’t pick up a knife but did something pretty stupid with my car. At the time Mrs Tester supported me 100%, sometimes with affection and sometimes with a well timed kick up the arse. That’s what you need from your wife when things are tough; support. You don’t need someone who demands a divorce when you’re clearly in a bad way yourself.

4 She threatened to get some big guys to come and beat you up.

I’m going to go against the grain here; speak to a solicitor and tell him everything before you speak to your wife. Then try to rescue as much as possible in terms of 1 access to the kids and 2 money.

Really, if I sum up 1 to 4 (although I’m sure there are two sides to the story) it sounds like she’s irresponsible, heartless and prone to violence. Not the kind of person to be bringing up your children.

So come on folks, flame me; I can handle it.

[TykeMerc]

I can not believe she is using the children as pawns in this!

Get used to that, children are the weapons of mass destruction in emotional and financial blackmail terms in any divorce. They're weapons that the female party is by far the most adept at weilding too.

Think about all of the tales you've ever heard about divorces when there are children, you can count the cases where the children haven't been utilised as a pawn/weapon on the fingers of one foot.

[EternalOptimist]

possibly an insulting question, but I DO have a very good reason for asking it, and I certaintly mean no insult.
Are you named as the father on the kiddies birth certificates ?

good luck Pleomax, you deserve every break you can get

[NotAllThere]

...
So come on folks, flame me; I can handle it.

No - seems perfectly well reasoned to me.

[Zippy]

I can't offer any better advice than you've already had (except change your CUK location?).

Just wanted to wish you all the best and hope it gets sorted out.

[Pogle]

Hmm.. all sounds a bit familiar to me

Firstly - DO NOT USE YOUR CHILDREN TO GET AT YOUR WIFE, even if SHE does. You have to take the moral high ground in this, when myself & MR P had a very similar situation he damaged his relationship with his daughter with his appalling behavior.
I never said anything bad about him to her, I only said positive stuff about him (much to everyone's disgust, but now my family admit I did the right thing) and she and I still have a brilliant relationship.
Secondly - Do not do anything stupid with knives or drinking too much, these incidents will all be collated and used as the 'unreasonable' circumstances in your divorce. Try and behave as a perfect gentlemen.

You have a right to live in your family home if it is in both your names. Deserting the family home can go against you - so I suggest you get back in there

She is bored lonely and feeling unloved and unwanted - that's why she has this 'friend'. He gives her what she doesn't get from you and I suspect its more to do with support and interest in her as a person, than anything physical - she will also find the danger and attention exciting

But it is not a hopeless case, we were in a very similar situation and Mr p effectively had a breakdown. he moved out for 6 months, got counseling and anti depressants and became wonderful again.
We are now MUCH stronger and much happier than before - so If you both want it and are both willing to try, it can work out.

Suggest counseling, listen to her and try very hard not to let everything descend into an argument - it really is not good for the kids.

It really is a sh!tty situation and you do have my sympathies, I'll light you a candle on Sunday.

[NotAllThere]

...
It really is a sh!tty situation and you do have my sympathies, I'll light you a candle on Sunday.

Don't wait 'til Sunday. Light one now/this evening in your own home. Apparently God is omnipresent...

[vlc]

Avoid divorce if at all possible...
In the mean time... stay in the house... being there with the children will help you with access to them later. Focus on your relationship with the children, spend more time with them and invite you wife to be there too, but don't provide anyone with cause to say that you're any less a devoted parent than the mother. I this country Dads don't get dealt with fairly.