Being depressed as a contractor... how to gather myself?

[chopper]

is this available on NHS

Yes
Find psychological therapies services - Introduction - NHS

and is there a long waiting list.

I guess that depends. Round here, apparently not.

[psychocandy]

As others have said I would highly recommend seeing a therapist and specifically one specialising in cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).

I've seen it transform the lives of friends tremendously over the years.

Perhaps its me but I just didnt get CBT at all. Probably me.

Dunno kept thinking that it was too "obvious". i.e. think about things sensibly and logically and suddently wow its all ok now.

[northernladuk]

Perhaps its me but I just didnt get CBT at all. Probably me.

Dunno kept thinking that it was too "obvious". i.e. think about things sensibly and logically and suddently wow its all ok now.

No offence honest but people that don't believe in it tend to be the people so blinkered they'd get the most from it.

Same with councilling really. By denying its any use is almost proving the point that you will benefit from it.

It might be obvious but they are there to point out the obvious and help you change. You've got to break stuff to fix it sometimes.

[GJABS]

I've just had a resumption of depression over Christmas. In my case it came on very suddenly, at 12:30pm on Boxing day. One moment fine, the next moment a minor panic attack, elevated heart beat, feeling faint, inability to concentrate or do anything.
I have a history of depression going back for 20 years plus, always episodic, and always worse in the early mornings before getting better in the evenings.

Could it have had a trigger? Well my contract was canned a month early, finishing on 21st Dec, due to there being no work to do. Which is fair enough in my opinion. But I found the other contractors there had not been canned, so going round in my mind was the thought "was I actually canned because I had not performed well enough" Or because I had displayed a bad attitude (When it became apparent that there wasn't much left to do, I volunteered to drop to 3 days a week - the client was happy with this, but the agent said no - only three days later to call me back to say the client was canning my role as at the end of Dec rather than the end of Jan stated in the contract (the one-months notice was honoured)).

6 months ago I was diagnosed as being autistic - a "high functioning" autistic, meaning I could live in the community. Now, autistic people are supposed to have special powers of intellect, albeit focused on a narrow area. I am also an Oxbridge graduate, which means I must have a high degree of intelligence in one or more areas (though this does not mean a high general sense of intelligence, nor does it mean I necessarily have a lot of common sense - I don't). But looking back at my life I haven't exactly excelled at my career, with a series of short running base-skill contracts, a few extensions, and few if any call-backs by ex-clients. I think the typical open-office noisy office of a contract does not work with my autism/aspergers.

Now that I am not working, and have some savings, I am going to work on a plan B - which is to download a list of fundamental data (balance sheets, profit and loss statements) from 4000 US and UK stocks from my stockbroker's API, load these into a SQL database, and then apply a number of investment rules derived from the best investment books you can buy (such as "The Intelligent investor" by Benjamin Graham (who was Warren Buffet's mentor) encapsulated into SQL statements, to generate a list of theoretical fair market prices for these stocks that can be compared with their actual prices to generate a buy/sell/ignore recommendation.
The trouble is that I am competing with thousands of the best brains on Wall Street trying to do the same thing, and the possibility of my getting it wrong as a result is substantial.

Thanks for reading.

[cojak]

Well, I hope you feel better soon GJABs.

[GJABS]

Thank you Cojak.

Of course it means I'll have to give the flying a miss for a couple of weeks, as the authorities (entirely understandably) are not keen on having people having mental wobbles when flying an aircraft.

[mudskipper]

Thank you Cojak.

Of course it means I'll have to give the flying a miss for a couple of weeks, as the authorities (entirely understandably) are not keen on having people having mental wobbles when flying an aircraft.

Go see your GP - don't try and deal with it on your own. Print out your post and show him/her. Good luck.

[xoggoth]

Ditto GJABS. Funny how it can come on so suddenly for no obvious reason. Same happened to me once, decades ago. Was enjoying meself in Oz, sharing a flat with nice mates, spending time with one of best male friends I've ever had, missus was coming out to join me, and another lady from NZ (don't tell the missus) and it just hit me. Wham!

Back to present. Rather a low week meself but not too bad now. Obviously not half the problems some have, just the old lonely widower thing maybe. Never much on at xmas as people off doing other things,. Now the barmy lady friend is back, drinky neighbours just been round, little party tomorrow evening and another nutty lady friend called me earlier. Much better.

[mudskipper]

Ditto GJABS. Funny how it can come on so suddenly for no obvious reason. Same happened to me once, decades ago. Was enjoying meself in Oz, sharing a flat with nice mates, spending time with one of best male friends I've ever had, missus was coming out to join me, and another lady from NZ (don't tell the missus) and it just hit me. Wham!

Back to present. Rather a low week meself but not too bad now. Obviously not half the problems some have, just the old lonely widower thing maybe. Never much on at xmas as people off doing other things,. Now the barmy lady friend is back, drinky neighbours just been round, little party tomorrow evening and another nutty lady friend called me earlier. Much better.

we still love you.

I know what you mean - I've got my family thank goodness, but going a bit stir crazy - friends all seem to have plans and parties. Even braved M&S earlier just to get out the house! Christmas is that time where everyone else seems to be having more fun than you. Should be banned! Enjoy your party and don't forget the mistletoe. Ugly Betty will forgive you.

[greenlake]

Christmas is that time where On social media, everyone else seems to be having more fun than you. Should be banned!

FTFY.