• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    WFH : Wank From Home
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      "Darling...fancy putting on a nurses uniform"?
      "Ooh, cheeky boy...you feeling horny"?
      "Nah...we've run out of bread"!
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Lidl management today said that because of the panic buying and pandemonium in their stores that they are taking drastic action and opening another till.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          Don't go to the pub. Don't meet up with your friends. Don't come home with an infection.


          Honestly, Boris Johnson is starting to sound like my ******* girlfriend.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Well poor old Prince Charles has tested positive for COVID -19.


            Sorry Charles, but you would insist on shagging an old bat.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              I can’t believe the government are relying on models to forecast the pandemic, they should ask scientists instead, they’re not as pretty but they know a lot more.
              {emotionless greeting}

              Three Word Slogan

              Comment


                Just popped over the road to see my elderly 86 year old neighbour to ask if she needed anything from Tesco.
                Luckily she did so I gave her my list.
                There’s no point in us both going really
                {emotionless greeting}

                Three Word Slogan

                Comment


                  I played football yesterday on a pitch surfaced with compacted rubble and broken bricks.

                  We won 5-4 on aggregate.
                  The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

                  Comment


                    a van load of session musicians has overturned on the M6.
                    drivers are warned to expect lengthy jams.

                    Comment


                      i told the wife she was drawing her eyebrows on too high.
                      she looked surprised.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X