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Please put more jokes here

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    A man was savagely attacked at The Teddy Bear's Picnic. His condition is said to be improving but he's not out of the woods yet.
    “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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      Great day out in London but Network Rail are full of tulip.
      A sign said if you stand too close to the edge of the platform you’d get sucked off.
      Five ******** hours I was stood there.
      “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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        At the vet with the cat...

        Cat: Meow

        Me: I know, that’s why I brought you here.
        {emotionless greeting}

        Three Word Slogan

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          Roman 1: You won’t believe how many women I have slept with

          Roman 2: mmm...

          Roman 1: Don’t be ridiculous, not that many.
          {emotionless greeting}

          Three Word Slogan

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            Can anyone remember the name of that big bird on Sesame Street?
            {emotionless greeting}

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              BP went for an interview for an office job today

              The interviewer told him he'd start on £2k a month and then after 6 months he'd be on £3k a month.

              BP told them he'd start in 6 months.
              {emotionless greeting}

              Three Word Slogan

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                BP and the current incumbent went to a therapist due to problems in the bedroom.

                "Explain with a film title what you think the problems are" the therapist said.

                Mrs BP said "Gone in 60 seconds"

                BP replied "Enter the dragon"

                Her lawyers were seen at HR Owen ordering a new Phantom Drophead and have already secured the registration BP 0 4 MRS
                {emotionless greeting}

                Three Word Slogan

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                  Did you know that "emas eht yltcaxe" is exactly the same backwards?
                  {emotionless greeting}

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                    I'm having a charity event for people that struggle to orgasm.

                    Let me know if you can't come.
                    {emotionless greeting}

                    Three Word Slogan

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                      My ambition as a child was to be a Blackjack dealer. Although I would sell Fruit Salads & Mojos as well.
                      “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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