Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I got pulled over by the police last night. "I have reason to believe you've been kerb-crawling, sir," he said. "I've followed you along this road at twenty miles an hour and you've stopped five times."

"Just get off my bus, you ******* idiot," I told him.

[vetran]

My gran struggles to get up and down the stairs these days so I had a chairlift installed in her house. She doesn't like it very much.

In fact, it drives her up the wall.

[vetran]

Adam and Eve: The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions.

[vetran]

A wife is like a hand grenade.

Remove the ring, and your house is gone.

[vetran]

A teacher asks her class "Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hood's girlfriend?"

Little Paddy raises his hand and says "Yes Miss, it's Trudy Glen."

"No Paddy, the answer is Maid Marion."

"But Miss, what about the song? Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding Trudy Glen."

[vetran]

I was playing Scrabble with my wife last night and I'm sure she was making up words.

What the **** is 'Foreplay' meant to mean anyway?

[vetran]

I like my women like I like my mobile phones.

Good-looking, many functions, easy to turn on and play around with, and with a silent option.

[vetran]

Apparently being a mother is the hardest job in the world. They're probably right.

I can definitely see brain surgeons struggling to put Frozen into a DVD player.

[vetran]

What do you call a man who claims to eat nothing but beef?

A bulltulipter.

[vetran]

Chatting up a really hot bird down our local pub, I asked her what really, really turns her on.
She responded, "four ply."
I thought I was impressing her with my knowledge of timbers but she stormed off in a huff!
I just can't understand women, strange aren't they!