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Please put more jokes here

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    Money Can't Buy Me Love: no, but it can buy me a tulipload of memorable dirty ****s.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I'm homophobic.

      I fear to return home after being late from the pub.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        I was in a pizzeria when I asked for some of that green leaf to be put on my pizza.

        "Sorry I don't understand", he replied.

        It's not ******* rocket science.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          I've been using my blow up doll too much lately so I had to put an end to it.

          I let her down gently.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Wife: 'I've eaten so much salad on this diet I'm beginning to look like a rabbit'.

            Husband: 'It's a pity you didn't f*** like one'.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              In China It's a big no no to let your cat on the kitchen table.

              They have very strict observance of keeping uncooked and cooked meat separate.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                The London Underground announcement said "The next station is Oval".

                It looked the same shape as any other station to me.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  I went to see a counsellor about my persistent joyriding.

                  "Why don't you take a seat?" she said.

                  "They're tulip cars. I prefer BMWs or Mercs."
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    I am a member of the arrogant celibacy society.

                    We really don't give a f**k.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      I never used to to like facial hair

                      but recently its really started to grow on me
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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