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Please put more jokes here

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    I was shopping in my local Tesco when a few American's walked in.

    Just for a bit of fun I started to throw cucumber's, tomatoe's & lettuce's at them.

    I usually have a good throw but this time I completely missed everytime.

    Bloody salad dodgers.
    "Wait, I still function!"


      'Drunk, I'm home from the honey, I'm not pub.'
      "Wait, I still function!"


        My wife brought Ginger Nuts home today.

        My son hates me calling him that.
        "Wait, I still function!"


          Final Fantasy XIII.

          Not final really then is it?
          "Wait, I still function!"


            medical jokes (no comments necessary)

            Q: How can you tell if your painter and decorator is a former gynaecologist?
            A: He decorates the hall-way through the letter box.

            Q: What's the difference between an orthopaedic surgeon and a joiner?
            A: A joiner knows more than one antibiotic


              Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs.

              The seven dwarfs always left to go work in the mine early each morning.

              As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores.

              As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunch and carry it to the mine.

              One day as she arrived at the mine with lunch, she saw that there had been a terrible cave-in.

              Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that the dwarfs had somehow survived.

              'Hello...Hello!' she shouted. 'Can anyone hear me? Hello!'

              For a long while, there was no answer. Losing hope, Snow White again shouted, 'Hello! Is anyone down there?'

              Just as she was about to give up all hope, she heard a faint voice from deep within the mine, singing;

              'Vote for GORDON BROWN! Vote for GORDON BROWN!'

              Snow White fell to her knees, praying, 'Oh, thank you, God! At least Dopey is still alive....!'


                I saw a great film about a Mongolian camper who repeatedly expressed his contempt for traditional tents last night, as it had been tipped to win loads of Oscars.

                The Yurt Mocker
                Best Forum Advisor 2014
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                  Opinions are like orgasms.

                  Mine's more important and I don't give a **** if she has one.
                  "Wait, I still function!"


                    The other day my girlfriend put me in a tough situation; she said, "Do I look fat in this?"

                    Just before I told her how great she looked, my mouth started moving for me and I said:

                    "To be fair, it's a small room."

                    Now that her stuff's gone, the room is actually quite large.
                    "Wait, I still function!"


                      Apple will be releasing a new gadget exclusively for women later this year.

                      It's called the iRon.
                      "Wait, I still function!"