Putting yourself forward for a Darwin Award

[Pondlife]

Following on from the Sir Ranulph Fiennes thread.

What have you done in life that, if it had gone wrong, would clearly have put you in the frame for a Darwin Award?

Mine is probably standing a metre behind the tail of a full grown croc between her and her nest of eggs.

Stupid boy!

[sasguru]

Swimming far out to sea at night when completely drunk in Thailand. I was 18 at the time.
Sobered up quickly when I thought I couldn't see land and had to get back.
Spent what seemed to be hours on my back kicking for shore, bricking myself.

[vetran]

Climbing Little Chamonix with burnt fingers. Damn near removed myself from the gene pool.

[DodgyAgent]

Swimming far out to sea at night when completely drunk in Thailand. I was 18 at the time.
Sobered up quickly when I thought I couldn't see land and had to get back.
Spent what seemed to be hours on my back kicking for shore, bricking myself.

So we were only a few bricks away from being spared one mega Cretin?

[MyUserName]

Nothing as insane as that! However, I sometimes wonder how I have lived long enough to become boring. My top contenders are:


Refusing to hand money over to someone threatening me with a gun

Punching a bouncer in 5th Avenue on the docks in Portsmouth (got beaten unconscious in the car park, a few months later they kicked someone to death there).

Throwing shot glasses at the wall in a different night club in Portsmouth on my 21st. Woke up on the floor outside but only because I passed out as I was being carried out by the suprisingly friendly bouncer.

Relying on gut instinct that a guy who was threatening me with a flick knife at my throat was bluffing in, of all place, a bloody cafe in my home town.

Thinking that my car was heavy enough to press through the snow and grip the road in the fast lane of a dual carriageway and promptly losing control of the vehicle at 70 mph.

[sasguru]

Thinking that my car was heavy enough to press through the snow and grip the road in the fast lane of a dual carriageway and promptly losing control of the vehicle at 70 mph.

70 mph in the snow? That's the winner alright

[MyUserName]

70 mph in the snow? That's the winner alright

LOL - yeah to be fair it was not snowing at the time. There was a little snow still on the road in the outside lane which I assumed the car would just press through, it was only in spots and was not more than an inch or so deep.

Of course it was solid black ice with a snow top which almost cost me my life!

[DaveB]

The Scene : Me and the now ex-Brother-In-Law repairing the ramp on a horse lorry after the main cross member rusted through under the constant stream of horse piss.

He nipped of to fetch the welding gear and new steel for the repairs while I got on with the job of removing the chuffing great springs that counter the weight of the ramp as it goes up and down. This has to be done with the ramp in the upright position so the springs are not under tension and can be safely removed with going *SPADOING!!!!!* and inflicting grievous harm to anything in the way at the time.

Having removed said springs, and for reasons I still cannot wok out, I decided that it would be a good idea to drop the ramp on my own by releasing the latch and walking it down on my hands. The ramp is made of steel and timber, is around 15 foot long, 8 foot wide and weighs the best part of half a ton. It can only be released by pulling the locking lever in the midlde of the frame To do that you have to be stood right in front of it.

It went somthing like this.

*Clunk, creak, groan*

"Oh **** thats heavy, tulip tulip tulip tulip tulip....."

*CRASH*

"Ooooooooooowwwwwww."

I managed to stagger back to the house where I scared the daylights out of the mother in law by being white as a sheet, covered in blood and having a bloody great gash in my head.

One trip to A&E followed with 12 stiches and a concussion.

[mudskipper]

Aged about 8 - Stuck armbands on my feet to see if it would help me swim. Only saved from drowning by intervention of nearby adult.

Aged 16 - I stuck my finger in the gas cooker ignition spark to see if it would burn. I nearly hit the ceiling. Probably not enough to kill someone, but it had never occurred to me it was electric.

[d000hg]

Nothing really dangerous but I do remember we had a bonfire and a piece of copper pipe was on the edge - it was displaying the most amazing patterns shimmering over its surface so obviously I picked it up out of curiosity.