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Previously on "Putting yourself forward for a Darwin Award"
When I was a kid, I bunked off school and went home, knowing that my folks wouldn't be there. I didn't have a key but our house was pretty easy to get into. I opened one of those little windows and decided to climb through. I got up onto a dustbin and wriggled through. At one point, all of my wight was being supported by this tiny bit of wood and a long pane of glass. The frame was pretty rotten (as my folks were doing the house up) and I'm amazed that it didn't give.
My dad used to store loads of odd stuff in the barn. One time I spotted something new - a clear liquid in this plastic container. Given all the tulip he had I don't know why this stood out. I took the lid off and gave it a big sniff. Then my eyes went black. I was blind for a few minutes...it seemed a lot longer. I was sat in the barn tulipting it that I'd knackered my eyes until slowly the sight came back. It was amonia i think.
When I was 6 or 7 we lived in holland. Near where we lived was an open air swimming pool. It had a slide into the deep end and I decided that I had to have a go. It was only when I got to the top that the realisation dawned on me that I couldn't swim and I chickened out. But the other kids wouldn't let me down the ladder. Eventually one of them pushed me down, backwards. i fell into the water and the next thing I know is its raining kids on me. Each time I got close to the surface another came down and pushed my under....and not only that, all these bubbles that I needed were escaping from my mouth. The life guard bollocked me when I eventually got to the safety of the edge of the pool, from the comfort of his high chair!
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