Bullying - What would you do?

[mudskipper]

What do you know about the lads? Are they generally trouble making shysters, or are they usually nice enough but took teasing / being annoying too far. If they generally go round making everyone's life a misery then you should persue it. If it was a one off, then don't. If they're from posh school, speaking to the parents might actually help - at that age kids do what they want, but parents do still have powers to withdraw cash/driving lessons etc.

When my son was 14 he got beaten up. Fractured cheekbone and concussion. Lost his memory for about two days and had no memory of the incident, but the boy who did it got caught because his grandmother had seen the it and was so shocked by the sight of her grandson "jumping on a boy's head" that she called the police. He was charged with GBH, it got downgraded to ABH and he got fined £50.

[Old Greg]

This is difficult. My little one is only 2 so she has all this ahead of her. I would be inclined to go to the police 'for advice' and make sure somebody takes a note of it, but say that you don't want to press charges at this stage. If there is a repeat performance, maybe it will be taken more seriously, and maybe it will constitute harassment as well.

Do this as well as letting the school handle it, but perhaps a gentle word in the ear of the head that you have 'sought advice' from the police would get them to take it more seriously.

Easy for me to say, as I'm not in that position. Best of luck, anyway.

[SupremeSpod]

Personally if it was my daughter I'd sit her down, explain possible options, their pluses and minuses. Then I'd ask her what she wanted to do.

At her age she's old enough to understand and to be empowered. Taking control away from her isn't going to help.

[Pondlife]

Para's are only bright enough to remember one instruction at a time.

I guess someone has to write "pull ripcord" on their hand before issuing the "jump out" instruction.

Or did they develop those fixed line ones cos paras kept forgetting.

[SupremeSpod]

I guess someone has to write "pull ripcord" on their hand before issuing the "jump out" instruction.

Or did they develop those fixed line ones cos paras kept forgetting.

Attrition levels during Para training were terrible until the instructions were swapped from "Jump and pull your ripcord!" to "Put on your parachute, Jump and pull your ripcord!"

[cailin maith]

Aye, thats one way to deal with it.
Out of all the sleepless night I had in my life, 90% were over the kids, and 90% of those were over bullying.

When my daughter was about 14, she got 'piled on' in the school playground and had her boobs roughed up by a couple of the lads (anything else, she didnt tell me). Having red hair, she also had the background years of low intensity bullying.
My son was kicked off his bike when he was about 12, by the school bully. He split his eye open on the fence post and was still throwing up in the sink when I got home from work 2 hours later.
Most recently, my grandson, also red haired, has been targeted by some serious thugs in his school. He is 15.
Plus, of course, I got my fair share of it when I was at school.

So, Boudica, I dont take this lightly. It occurs to me that every person on this board who knows someone who is being bullied, also knows someone who is a bully. I also know that many bullies would be horrified to find they were being labelled as such, they just think they are having a laugh.
I think the response should fit the situation, from doing nothing, through to doing an aussielong, through to getting the police involved.
I hate the idea of putting kids in a protective bubble, it might stop them getting a thick ear, but it wont help them in the long run. You need a strategy that stops the bullying, increases the kids self confidence and self reliance, and, the icing on the cake, increases the kids street cred (that will ensure they sail through the rest of their childhood with minimum problems)

tulip!! I think this is the first sensible post I've ever see you make!!

And I think you are right!

Completely agree. Calling the police for an incident like this will probably only make the girls life worse at school.

WSS

[BlasterBates]

Yep sounds fairly normal to me pulling hair, slapping round the ear hole. My advice teach her to kick one of them in the goolies.That'll stop em.

[Platypus]

What do you know about the lads? Are they generally trouble making shysters

They're shysters.

It’s assault, go straight to the Police. The school will try to whitewash

Go to the police!

Calling the police for an incident like this will probably only make the girls life worse at school.

It's a conundrum alright. I'm inclined to the "go to the police" view myself.

Personally if it was my daughter I'd sit her down, explain possible options, their pluses and minuses. Then I'd ask her what she wanted to do.

At her age she's old enough to understand and to be empowered. Taking control away from her isn't going to help.

On balance, I think that following the girl's lead (empowerment) rather than escalating to the police (disempowerment) is the way to go. Good advice SS.

Thanks all for the comments, I'll bear them in mind when I talk to my friend again.

[aussielong]

I think you should enrol your daughter in a marshall arts class. That's what I will do if I ever have kids.

My Dad actually taught me how to fight when I was a young kid. He didn't encourage me to fight - quite the opposite. But he taught me how to fight back if I was being picked on.

[Boudica]

Aww, nice to know you're a reasonable person who doesn't descend to personal abuse when they don't agree with someone. You sound 1 step away from joining a lynch mob to smash up the homes of paediatricians.

Seriously, you sound out of order. I'm entitled to express my opinion without getting an earful of hysterical insults. My viewpoint is roughly aligned with EO's, go bite his head off woman. I've never bullied anyone. I was more on the side of those bullied than bullying as a kid. Even so, school-yard bullying isn't assault.

What next, call the police because someone threw a punch in the rugby scrum? Or do you insist your tots do aerobics because "contact sports are violent and thuggish"? Is a wedgie or a chinese burn or a dead arm assult?

As I said, if it's serious then that's different. But 'hitting' could be anything from proper punching to tapping on the head to annoy her. You never see two siblings 'playing', they hit each other all the time? Maybe you can paint a picture of the scenario in your mind, I already explained mine:

You seem to be an expert on many things, are you a teacher or a priest?


mmmmmmm rugby boys mmmmmmmmmm