It's a Sin - review

[xoggoth]

It would be like trying to peel a cheese toasty apart

Is that supposed to put me off? I love eating cheese toasties.

[vetran]

I once asked the oldest, how come in all the years I went to clubs with them, nobody ever came on to me! and he said 'It's because you're an ugly bastard MF'

perceptive chaps.

Seriously they do gaydar far better than we do.

I lost a friend at one of my customers to it, very sad, Richard was a really nice chap.

A good friend of mine was born in Brighton so we used to pop down and party every so often, 30 years ago. Nights in the Grosvenor and a few other dives were fun.

[GJABS]

I learned sitting with them to be as cutting as any queen as I gave the funny verbals back & also sometimes went out to the clubs with them, where believe it or not they used to have to get bouncers let me in, as I was clearly setting nobodies gaydar off. They are some of the best days of my life & I enjoy the club scene because it is so open & free with none of that machismo bollox you'd get in straight clubs.

I wish I had had that kind of experience. In fact I'm thinking I should perhaps try to aspire to get some of that experience, in order to feel more comfortable in my new gay identity.

The first gay bar I ever went into, in 2003 when I first had an inkling I had same sex attraction, was a gay bar on the front at Brighton, on Marine Parade between Stein St and Manchester St. I was petrified, and stood in the corner, alone, ignored, feeling really uncomfortable.
Even now, I find it hard to go into gay bars on my own, and I think it is because there is still a lot of "internalised homophobia" within me - I feel like an outcast in most gay social settings, even though I know that (some) gay men like me sexually (lucky me).

Maybe I should try living in Brighton for a few months in a gay flat share. Something like you did. Immerse myself in gay culture and lifestyle, to expand my involvement in it beyond the sexual.
It would be a risk, though.

Towards the end they had a friend come to stay in the front room. The told me he was coming to stay for a short while as he wasn't well. They didn't say what. He was a lovely fella, and they were very attentive, my only instruction the front room was off limits & they didn't attend any parties. Anyway I did stray in when one morning forgetting, asking if anyone wanted tea, and they were dressing him. He was covered in those sores (a sight I wont forget). He was gone when I came back from Uni one day and nothing was said. Years later told me they lost a lot of friends.

Oh my that's a really tragic thing to have experienced. I've never known anyone personally who had AIDS, or even HIV for that matter, and certainly not being with them when they have had late-stage symptoms as this chap would appear to have had.

[xoggoth]

I used to hang around a lot in Brighton Kemptown when the missus was in and out of hospital there. Always wondered if I should go to one of the gay saunas but never got round to it.

Used to be very homophobic in my twenties, doesn't bother me at all now. Think my only problem is that mens' bums are too small.

[ladymuck]

Are you happy going into any bars on your own? This is something I hated for many years and would not be happy going in alone if I didn't know for sure I had someone already in there to meet. It doesn't help that I'm not a fan of solo drinking.

I also didn't like eating out on my own, lunches or dinners. I would always get a sandwich takeaway at lunch and eat elsewhere. Dinner would be room service if I had to dine alone when away from home.

So I started on a programme of self improvement! I made myself go to a cafe and have a sit down meal. I did do the cliche thing of taking a book or newspaper (and still do sometimes). Where possible I would pick a table that afforded some privacy or at the very least wasn't positioned in the middle of the establishment. I then moved onto places that did dinner as well as day time food, got familiar with them in a safe time of day and then tried them of an evening. Those places also served drinks so I also got more used to ordering drinks alone.

I am not a fan of pubs on my own, but am ok with it, but I am very comfortable sitting at the bar in a cocktail or wine bar. I still don't very much enjoy sitting at a table drinking alone so I find the distraction of watching the bar staff at work takes my mind off the solo aspect.

Perhaps if you try not to think of a gay bar as a gay bar but just another place to get a drink then it might be easier?

[xoggoth]

I'd have thought contractors would be used to going solo, when you get a new contract somewhere takes a while to get to know anyone. I used to rather like it, not enormously sociable, but usually got chatting to somebody.

[xoggoth]

I am not a fan of pubs on my own, but am ok with it, but I am very comfortable sitting at the bar in a cocktail or wine bar.

After you've 'ad yer several gins yer mean!

[vetran]

After her divorce my sister who is heterosexual moved to Aldershot in a little flat by the station, there is a gay pub near there and they basically adopted her, they all arrived at her flat warming party.

Mrs V & I had a great laugh ( though when we collected our coats Mrs V was surprised to find a couple of gents getting close in the darkness) and were then welcomed into the bar whenever we visited my sister.

Point of the story is that the confrontational pick up bars are not the only ways into the lifestyl,e as far as I can see.

[courtg9000]

I have seen 2 episodes of this.
It was good to watch.
I should probably watch the rest.

[GJABS]

Always wondered if I should go to one of the gay saunas but never got round to it.

Unless you're gay, you don't want to be going into a gay sauna. Trust me on this one