41 things that every man should know by the age of 40

[BrilloPad]

40 things that every man should know by the age of 40

41. Don't get married

[_V_]

Remember how sometimes you’d smile at girls and they’d smile back? You need to stop that, it’s creepy.

lol. so true.

[vetran]

Sex is great in moderation, and done traditionally

Bolluscs!

[Pondlife]

Interesting (or not) that they've chosen to use David Beckham as their cool young person given that he's 40.

[LondonManc]

For those of you that couldn't be bothered clicking, their points and my comments (the latter of which were, unfortunately, not published):

1. You should never try solo karaoke
If you can't sing, don't; if you can, do. Doesn't matter what age or gender.
2. You are no longer welcome in Top Man
Oh no, I'm going to end it all. Oh, wait, I'll pop next door to Selfridges, Gant or Hugo Boss instead.
3. Carrying on drinking is ALWAYS a bad idea
Rubbish
4. Carrying on sleeping is ALWAYS good idea
Rubbish
5. Sheds make a fine getaway
Rubbish
6. Your “career” is a fluid concept
Rubbish
7. You almost definitely won’t make it as a professional sportsman
Well duh.
8. Your friendship circle should never reach double figures
Why not?
9. Only certain trainers will do
True at any age. Which plum wrote this?
10. Pubs serve other drinks that aren’t beer
Wine at a pub is usually crap. Top-end lager, real ale or JD and coke.
11. Emblazoned T-shirts aren’t for you
They aren't for anyone except morons
12. You definitely don’t know any slang
Swear down I do.
13. Fusion cooking doesn’t come naturally
WTF? Just-eat, restaurants, wife. Sod cooking
14. You’re not going to out-succeed your parents
Oops, have done. Ho hum.
15. There’s no place in your life for hairstyles
Never has been. I'm not a fashion slave.
16. There’s little room for reading fiction
Clearly this person is new to IT
17. A greeting is only as awkward as you make it
WTF?
18. You need to eat better
I am now I can afford it you sanctimonious pr**k
19. Exercise is absolutely essential
What a James Blunt.
20. You will never be 100 per cent secure in anything
Death and taxes is all we ever have
21. Sex is great in moderation, and done traditionally
Poor thing. Must have married the wrong person.
22. 98 per cent of the time, hot girls don’t fancy you
I don't care. I'm married. Who is this numpty?
23. For some reason, younger people think you’ve acquired wisdom
I have. The author hasn't a clue
24. You can’t convincingly execute a fist bump
I can. The author can't.
25. Only certain people can carry off calling a stranger “darlin”
Cockney winkers mainly
26. You absolutely have to stop dancing now
Dad dancing ftw. Get stuffed.
27. You will never learn a new language fluently
Some struggle with English. There's also an assumption that I want/need to be fluent in another language.
28. Crosswords are fun and cardigans are comfy
I don't own a cardigan, wouldn't know.
29. There’s no such thing as a “relaxed kickabout”
Oh joy, a football fan since Ing-er-lund 96 telling me how good or bad I am. W@nkpuffin.
30. The explanations next to paintings still aren’t interesting
This person has issues
31. Drugs are for other people
Yep, see comment on 30.
32. Foreign language films have a higher chance of nudity
Xhamster isn't a foreign language film site.
33. You can confidently open a bottle of fizz
Been doing so for years. What an amateur.
34. You need a torch somewhere in the house
I have one on my phone. What a cock.
35. Happiness comes from being calm, not busy
Happiness comes in all shapes and sizes. As confirmed by xhamster
36. You have one type of underwear that suits you
Weirdo
37. Not being invited can be better than missing out
This person has even more issues
38. Mother isn’t always right
She never was always right. But she's 20 years wiser than she was when I was 20.
39. Over-confidence can mask uncertainty
Yes, I've encountered consultants too.
40. True love feels lovely
So does dirty love.

[NotAllThere]

For those of you that couldn't be bothered clicking, their points and my comments (the latter of which were, unfortunately, not published):
...

Largely agree except:

3. Carrying on drinking is ALWAYS a bad idea
I just can't do it.

4. Carrying on sleeping is ALWAYS good idea
Afternoon nap. Lovely.

6. Your “career” is a fluid concept
Careers are for permies

8. Your friendship circle should never reach double figures
What are "friends?"

12. You definitely don’t know any slang
Handy for winding up your offspring though

15. There’s no place in your life for hairstyles
Because I have no hair

24. You can’t convincingly execute a fist bump
See 12.

27. You will never learn a new language fluently
I'll just have to make do with English, French and German.

28. ... cardigans are comfy
They are.

[WTFH]

2. You are no longer welcome in Top Man

Yes, I know, particularly after I took a dump in one of their fitting rooms.


5. Sheds make a fine getaway
That reminds me, I need to order the new shed for the wife


6. Your “career” is a fluid concept
My "drinking career is a fluid concept


9. Only certain trainers will do
Yes, the ones that fit and are appropriate for the sport being done. Otherwise there is no use for trainers.



13. Fusion cooking doesn’t come naturally
I haven't got a fusion reactor, so I can't do fusion cooking. I will, on the other hand, mix ingredients from far flung countries and styles to produce dishes that I enjoy eating.


15. There’s no place in your life for hairstyles
OK, so I've been bald since I was 20, no need to rub it in.


16. There’s little room for reading fiction
You've never seen a project timeline as created by someone without a clue.


18. You need to eat better
Butter or better?


22. 98 per cent of the time, hot girls don’t fancy you
My wife fancies me. She's hot. You're wrong.


23. For some reason, younger people think you’ve acquired wisdom
I have acquired experience. Wisdom is learning from experience, repeating the good/fun bits and not repeating the mistakes (unless they were good/fun or fall under rule 6)


24. You can’t convincingly execute a fist bump
In my day we called it punching.


27. You will never learn a new language fluently
Wrong


28. Crosswords are fun and cardigans are comfy
Cardigans don't suit all people. A nice Harris tweed jacket can be comfy too.


29. There’s no such thing as a “relaxed kickabout”
That's true. Soccer doesn't appeal to people with brains.


30. The explanations next to paintings still aren’t interesting
No, they require a bit of intelligence and appreciation. Something the author lacks


31. Drugs are for other people
If you care, you share.


32. Foreign language films have a higher chance of nudity
They also have a higher chance of having a plot that hasn't been destroyed by Hollywood dumbing it down so writes like you can watch.
Have you seen Spoorloos and then watched The Vanishing?


33. You can confidently open a bottle of fizz
True, my sabrage skills are well known.


34. You need a torch somewhere in the house
I have several. When you walk a dog in winter you need one.

35. Happiness comes from being calm, not busy
Happiness comes from enjoying yourself. Sometimes that means being busy.


38. Mother isn’t always right
Nope, she hasn't been right for over 3 years now. Ever since she died.

[Mordac]

40 things that every man should know by the age of 40

41. Don't get married

Never dance or sing. Ever. Even if you think you can, you can't.

[WTFH]

Never dance or sing. Ever. Even if you think you can, you can't.

What if others think you can sing, then is it permitted?

[FatLazyContractor]

Bolluscs!

Coming from someone who gets none, this is gold dust