Reply to: Kill me now

[northernladuk]

I remember having to work with a manager who was known in client co for being a real ballbreaker, hard to work with and just not a nice person.

I found out early he liked boobs

He was a nice as a kitten by the time I'd finished the gig.

qh

FTFY

[bless 'em all]

Just start each slide with a supersize first letter in the text .....

1) Facts
2) Updates
3) Changes
4) Knowledge
5) Experience
6) Date
7) Users
8) Progress

See if anyone notices?

[Churchill]

Just came back from a meeting with one of my clients.

Client: Regarding the lessons learnt I asked you to provide for the last project.

Me: Yes, I sent it to you, with all the information you requested.

Client: I have to send it to the business owners, it's just text. Could you put it in PowerPoint and make it a bit more colourful and maybe a few charts and graphics.

Its lessons learnt FFS, not the latest edition of the Beano.

Ooh. Make sure you include some pictures of a little stick man at the computer. Perhaps all round the edge of the powerpoint slide, as a border.

Stick a massive pie chart in the bottom centre, and put some wording underneath in very small itallic: it should be noted that the data reflected above is meaningless

Nah, it's all about infographics these days, innit...

Why else would you employ a woman?

[quackhandle]

I remember having to work with a manager who was known in client co for being a real ballbreaker, hard to work with and just not a nice person.

I found out early doors that if I sent all my work (huge data archive with timings, etc) in Excel with pretty tables and graphs he loved it. The more I jazzed up the data with colours and fonts the more he liked me.

He was a nice as a kitten by the time I'd finished the gig.

qh

[vetran]

If I were rewarded with photos of various cup sizes depending on how well I was doing I might make more of an effort.

[Ticktock]

A variable size cup for doing well.

If I were rewarded with photos of various cup sizes depending on how well I was doing I might make more of an effort.

[eek]

The customer is always right

I find the promise of a large cheque allows me to see their point of view. I may not agree with it but money persuades...

and if it doesn't its definitely time to leave.

[Jeebo72]

The customer is always right

I always find it's better to tell them why they are worng. And how I'm going to make everything so much better. Timeframe is usually after the end of my contracxt tho'.

[alreadypacked]

Why don't you just say no, as you've done what they required?

The customer is always right

[Mich the Tester]

Plenty of happy faces and sad faces.

Or send them a blank presentation because the lessons have not been learned but merely identified, as nobody actually ever learns the lessons or they wouldn't be embarking on their next doomed project.

What would be particularly appropriate is happy faces-->grumpy faces-->indifferent faces--->happy faces and champagne after implementing OP's advice.

I can do corporate cack too.

[mudskipper]

My lot don't like the new stylee popups in Chrome. I'm trying to convince them I really don't need to replace every 'alert' with a custom popup control.

[Old Greg]

Plenty of happy faces and sad faces.

Or send them a blank presentation because the lessons have not been learned but merely identified, as nobody actually ever learns the lessons or they wouldn't be embarking on their next doomed project.

[Jeebo72]

Just came back from a meeting with one of my clients.

Client: Regarding the lessons learnt I asked you to provide for the last project.

Me: Yes, I sent it to you, with all the information you requested.

Client: I have to send it to the business owners, it's just text. Could you put it in PowerPoint and make it a bit more colourful and maybe a few charts and graphics.

Its lessons learnt FFS, not the latest edition of the Beano.

Why don't you just say no, as you've done what they required?

[vetran]

Nah, it's all about infographics these days, innit...

OK so the text with variable size teacher canes for the level of stupidity!

One per page.

A variable size cup or cake for doing well.


an afternoon getting paid to be artistic, bottle of wine optional (though in my case mandatory).

[Mich the Tester]

Just came back from a meeting with one of my clients.

Client: Regarding the lessons learnt I asked you to provide for the last project.

Me: Yes, I sent it to you, with all the information you requested.

Client: I have to send it to the business owners, it's just text. Could you put it in PowerPoint and make it a bit more colourful and maybe a few charts and graphics.

Its lessons learnt FFS, not the latest edition of the Beano.

Make colourful pictures and charts and then...INVOICE THE BASTARDS!