• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Kill me now

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    #21
    Originally posted by Ticktock View Post
    If I were rewarded with photos of various cup sizes depending on how well I was doing I might make more of an effort.
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      #22
      I remember having to work with a manager who was known in client co for being a real ballbreaker, hard to work with and just not a nice person.

      I found out early doors that if I sent all my work (huge data archive with timings, etc) in Excel with pretty tables and graphs he loved it. The more I jazzed up the data with colours and fonts the more he liked me.

      He was a nice as a kitten by the time I'd finished the gig.

      qh
      He had a negative bluety on a quackhandle and was quadraspazzed on a lifeglug.

      I look forward to your all knowing and likely sarcastic and unhelpful reply.

      Comment


        #23
        Originally posted by alreadypacked View Post
        Just came back from a meeting with one of my clients.

        Client: Regarding the lessons learnt I asked you to provide for the last project.

        Me: Yes, I sent it to you, with all the information you requested.

        Client: I have to send it to the business owners, it's just text. Could you put it in PowerPoint and make it a bit more colourful and maybe a few charts and graphics.

        Its lessons learnt FFS, not the latest edition of the Beano.
        Originally posted by MaryPoppins View Post
        Ooh. Make sure you include some pictures of a little stick man at the computer. Perhaps all round the edge of the powerpoint slide, as a border.

        Stick a massive pie chart in the bottom centre, and put some wording underneath in very small itallic: it should be noted that the data reflected above is meaningless
        Originally posted by cojak View Post
        Nah, it's all about infographics these days, innit...
        Why else would you employ a woman?

        Comment


          #24
          Just start each slide with a supersize first letter in the text .....

          1) Facts
          2) Updates
          3) Changes
          4) Knowledge
          5) Experience
          6) Date
          7) Users
          8) Progress

          See if anyone notices?

          Comment


            #25
            Originally posted by quackhandle View Post
            I remember having to work with a manager who was known in client co for being a real ballbreaker, hard to work with and just not a nice person.

            I found out early he liked boobs

            He was a nice as a kitten by the time I'd finished the gig.

            qh
            FTFY
            'CUK forum personality of 2011 - Winner - Yes really!!!!

            Comment

            Working...
            X