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Please put more jokes here

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    My Grandad used to always say:

    “Two heads are better than one.”

    Top bloke, tulip at minting coins.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I hardly drive anywhere yet have recently bought a Ferrari, a BMW, an RX-7, a Mercedes-Benz and an Aston Martin.

      I clearly have the car owner virus.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        The royal family are said to be in a state of fear over what might be leaked in tonight's Meghan and Oprah interview.

        Sources within Buckingham Palace told reporters "The entire family are sweating. Apart from Andrew obviously"
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          My favourite childhood memory is making mud pies with my grandad.

          Until mum found out and hid the urn.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            What do you call a Posh Hoover.

            Hooray Henry.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              If Cinderella's shoe fitted so perfectly, why did it fall off in the first place?
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Is the Vicar of Dibley star Trevor Peacock who played Jim Trott dead?

                No no no no no no yes.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  My ex-wife tried to humiliate me by telling all her friends I was terrible in bed.

                  Imagine her surprise when they all disagreed.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    I think Harry should take up painting, (if Meghan will let him of course).

                    Then he can call himself, 'The Artist Formerly Known As Prince'.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      The government have promised the same mistakes which arose during the handling of Princess Diana won't be allowed to happen again.

                      This time, we'll get a bank holiday & none of the football will be cancelled.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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