Please put more jokes here

[Blert596]

My friends are throwing a joint Chinese New Year and Burns night, party. They're calling it a Chinese Burns Night.

I wasn't going to go but they twisted my arm

[WTFH]

My wife thinks I over-analyse our marriage, which, to be frank completely contradicts the findings of my report.

[WTFH]

Me: i’m going to make one of those diagrams that uses circles
Dracula: venn
Me: probably tomorrow

[WTFH]

Just heard a loud explosion from the fridge.

Turns out I had a bag of salad leaves that had gone past its 'best before' date, and the rocket had gone off.

[SimonMac]

I was struggling with my self assessment tax return, so I googled it and now am paying only 3.5% and the rest is in an off shore account

[NotAllThere]

I went to a charity pantomime last night in aid of the Paranoid Schizophrenic Homophobic society. It was going great until it exploded into utter chaos when someone shouted "He's behind you."

[BrilloPad]

In case of further Australian bushfires, WTFH is going to be sent to help. Given he can rain on any parade, suck the oxygen out of a room and put a dampner on things.

[NotAllThere]

In case of further Australian bushfires, WTFH is going to be sent to help. Given he can rain on any parade, suck the oxygen out of a room and put a dampner on things.

Way to put a dampner on things. Well done.

[WTFH]

Way to put a dampner on things. Well done.

Hey, that’s supposed to be my job!

[BrilloPad]

WTFH took his car to the garage for a new dipstick. It did not reach the oil anymore.