Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

Bit of politics

What's the difference between a black man and a box of donuts?

One of them's already full of holes before the cops see them.

[vetran]

"Don't go in the church." I shouted at the telly, cowering behind a cushion. "There's evil in there."

My wife said, "What you watching, an horror film?"

"No," I replied. "Our wedding video."

[vetran]

too true

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude".

"You must be a technician." said the balloonist. "I am" replied the man "how did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk."

The man below responded, "You must be in management". "I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my ******* fault!

[vetran]

So I went past a Chinese restaurant earlier and I was rather surprised to see a "No dogs!" sign in the window.

My being rather slow, I forgot that restaurants get rather annoyed if you take your own food to their establishments.

[vetran]

I've got that new snapchat filter that turns you into an ugly bastard.

For some reason I can't find how to turn it off..

[LondonManc]

My wife and I settled down to watch Enter The Dragon last night.
Or, our honeymoon video, as she insists on calling it.

[mudskipper]

I took my wife to the doctor's about her Tourettes.

It's not good news - she's not got it - it turns out I really am a twat who should feck off.

[northernladuk]

It's not good news - it turns out I really am a twat who should feck off.

This is a section for jokes you know..

[vetran]

I took my wife to the doctor's about her Tourettes.

It's not good news - she's not got it - it turns out I really am a twat who should feck off.

[WTFH]

BLUE OYSTER CULT: As you are all seventy or over I think you really should start to fear the reaper.