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    Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day.


    Give a dog a toffee and you'll piss yourself laughing for half an hour.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      If Ryanair put their prices up again, I'm going to have to stop smuggling drugs ...

      and smuggle luggage up my arsehole instead.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        for certain posters

        Tsk. Some women. You give 'em an inch...

        ...and they laugh at your tiny cock.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          I thought I heard James Blunt singing in an alley in town last night.

          Turns out it was just a cat being molested.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            They say that mental institutions are terrible places, but my mate seems to be having a whale of a time since he was committed.
            He wears tight skirts, a blonde wig, only answers to the name Rachel, and believes that he works on Countdown.

            He's living the life of Riley !
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              I was thinking of turning gay...

              But if I'm honest, it would only involve looking at a different type of porn.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                After worrying about my health, a doctor reassured me that the average size of a testicle is at least 2 inches long and 1 inch wide.

                Thankfully, mine measure up. All three of them.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  For Bessie

                  In the pub last night a foreign bloke said to my wife, "Where I come from, men would worship you."

                  I think he must have been a Hindu.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Only a few weeks ago we lost Ben. E. King and just this morning we have learned that B.B King has died.

                    If I were you, I would grab a Burger King today whilst you have the chance.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      for MF

                      I missed my weekly 'Liars Anonymous' meeting last night.

                      I was having a threesome with Beyoncé and Katy Perry at the time.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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