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Please put more jokes here

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    You know what really grinds my gears?

    My wife when she uses my car.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Most of the men and women at the gym are working towards the same goal:

      The perfect female body.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        My dad got a selfie stick for his phone.

        He can now hold it far enough away to read text messages.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          My wife just shoved a lipstick up my arse, i'm never asking her for make up sex again!!
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            For Scoo

            Definitions:

            GHETTO

            1. Where ethnic minorities live.

            2. What the Queen calls a cake.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Police officer : 'What are you two doing here?'.

              Muslim man : 'Draw..'

              *BANG BANG*

              Police officer : 'Old fashioned shoot out eh..'

              Event organiser : 'I think he was going to say Drawing competition '.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Jokes prefer Blondes

                My blonde girlfriend has three hours of footage of raw chicken on her iPhone.

                The cooking instructions said remove sleeve and film.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  They say if you have a speech impediment, you can't address a female teacher properly.

                  I think it's a myth.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Ed Milliband has said he will spend this final week of campaigning, concentrating on labour's core voters in their traditional heartlands

                    He is due back in London Thursday morning, unless his flight from Bangladesh is delayed...
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      A little Jewish lad threw a coin in a wishing well and straight away his father jumped in to retrieve it,

                      "What have I told you about wasting money on rubbish like this that doesn't work? " He yelled at the boy.

                      "But father, it does work, " replied the boy, "I wished you had a little more money. "
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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