Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

You know what really grinds my gears?

My wife when she uses my car.

[vetran]

Most of the men and women at the gym are working towards the same goal:

The perfect female body.

[vetran]

My dad got a selfie stick for his phone.

He can now hold it far enough away to read text messages.

[vetran]

My wife just shoved a lipstick up my arse, i'm never asking her for make up sex again!!

[vetran]

For Scoo

Definitions:

GHETTO

1. Where ethnic minorities live.

2. What the Queen calls a cake.

[vetran]

Police officer : 'What are you two doing here?'.

Muslim man : 'Draw..'

*BANG BANG*

Police officer : 'Old fashioned shoot out eh..'

Event organiser : 'I think he was going to say Drawing competition '.

[vetran]

Jokes prefer Blondes

My blonde girlfriend has three hours of footage of raw chicken on her iPhone.

The cooking instructions said remove sleeve and film.

[vetran]

They say if you have a speech impediment, you can't address a female teacher properly.

I think it's a myth.

[vetran]

Ed Milliband has said he will spend this final week of campaigning, concentrating on labour's core voters in their traditional heartlands

He is due back in London Thursday morning, unless his flight from Bangladesh is delayed...

[vetran]

A little Jewish lad threw a coin in a wishing well and straight away his father jumped in to retrieve it,

"What have I told you about wasting money on rubbish like this that doesn't work? " He yelled at the boy.

"But father, it does work, " replied the boy, "I wished you had a little more money. "