Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

The Archbishop of Canterbury has said we should all try to be more like Nelson Mandela.

So I bombed the local shopping centre.

[vetran]

How can Evander Holyfield be anti gay?..

He does boxing..

Its two guys with no shirts, fighting over a purse and a belt.

[vetran]

I got home from work to find my wife waiting for me with her legs open wide.


"What the **** have you done to the car?," I said.

[vetran]

I just videoed my 12" cock.
Don't believe me?

I'll show you the footage.

[vetran]

I've heard a rumour that Rose West is going to appear on Celebrity Big Brother.

I can picture it now... "Rose is chilling in the lounge. The rest of the housemates are in the garden!".

[vetran]

A girl I know suffers from a strange affliction when she is on a period. She feels the need to take a guitar and start travelling to different places, playing and singing.

She's a wandering menstrual.

[vetran]

What's the difference between prostate cancer and Katie Price?

Prostate cancer will only f**k one in five men.

[vetran]

I got an urgent letter from the Inland Revenue today but I threw it in the bin without opening it.

It can't be anything to do with me, I live on the coast.

[vetran]

My mate Paddy just told me that he robbed a shop last night.

"What did you get?" I asked.

"26 pictures," he smiled, showing me. "The cheapest one is worth over £180,000."

I said, "Dude, these are from an estate agents."

[vetran]

I'm about to lose my job now that they are stopping badger culling.

If I want to shoot dead half black, half white little tulips now, I'll have to join the Police.