Please put more jokes here

[wobbegong]

i dont get it. explain

Nothing to explain Max, it either makes you laugh or it doesn't.

It did make me laugh.

[Swiss Tony]

A guy walks into a pub with a monkey. The monkey walks up to the pool table and eats one of the balls.

The bartender says, 'Why did he do that?' The guy says, 'Oh he'll eat anything.'

A couple of days later, the guy brings the monkey into the same pub, and the monkey picks up a peanut and shoves it up its ar*e, then takes it out and eats it.

The bartender says, 'Why did he do that?'

The guy says, 'Oh he'll still eat anything, but since he ate that pool ball he checks it for fit first.'

[Swiss Tony]

Two campers (I'm free) are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them.

The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guy drops his backpack, gets out a pair of trainers, and frantically begins to put them on.

The second guys says, "What are you doing? Trainers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."

[angusglover]

What do you call sandals for people with 2 left feet???



Flip Flips.

[The Lone Gunman]

A crowd of people come running towards this bloke.

Bloke says "what's going on"
someone answers "a lion has escaped from the zoo"
bloke says "which way did it go"
other person says "you don't think we're chasing it do you?"

[wendigo100]

A guy walks into a bakers' shop, he says, "I'd like a loaf of bread, please". The baker asks "Brown or White?", he says "it doesn't matter, I've got my bike outside".

I remember this one (wipes away tear of nostalgia). When I was a kid it was a butchers' shop and the guy asked for a packet of tipped cigarettes.

Excellent!

[SallyAnne]

A man walks into a bar....ouch.

Geordie version: "A man walks into an iron bar like......hang on that's not reet"..

brilliant

[Pondlife]

Can't remember where I saw this one so apologies for the plagarism (but not the quality )

A german guy walks into a bar with a brightly coloured parrot on his shoulder.
"That's unusual" said the barman, "where did you get it"
and the parrot says "Germany, they've got fricken millions of them there."


Think my taxi has just arrived.

[Pondlife]

What the hell ......

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the bartender gave her one!

A tourist goes into a bar, and there's a dog sitting in a chair, playing poker. He says, "Is that dog really playing poker?" And the bartender says, "Yeah, but he's not too good. Whenever he has a good hand, he starts wagging his tail."

A rabbi, a priest, and a duck walked into a bar. The bartender looked up and said, "What is this? A joke?"

[Pondlife]

A guy walks into a bar and orders three large whiskeys and downs them one after the other.
"Whats the occaision?" asks the barman
"Just experienced my first BJ" replies the man.
"So you're out celebrating then?"
"Nah, trying to get rid of the taste"