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    What's the difference between me and the Prophet Muhammad?

    I like my women to be as benign as a lamb, Muhammad liked his women to be nine.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I was teaching a class of young children:

      - It was a terrible time. People of a certain ethnic origin were forced to work, many against their will, for low wages and often in poor conditions. They could barely afford to feed their families. Meanwhile, other people enjoyed a happy, carefree existence profiting from the work.

      - I've heard about this, said a small boy. - It's called slavery.

      - No, I replied. - It's the welfare state.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        for NLYUK

        "Your neck tastes all salty!" I said to the prostitute.
        "Yeah it's been a busy week, I've got work coming out of my ears" She replied.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          I just found out that there's a new 'crash for cash' motoring scam..

          I'm off to ask my wife where she's hidden all that money.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            My brother took being sent to jail really badly.

            He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the wall with his own feces.

            After that, we never played monopoly again.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              I just bought a load of clothes from an epilepsy charity shop.

              I was dissapointed.

              They didn't fit.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I met a lovely guy in the club last night, he wants to take me on a package holiday.

                He gave me the package and the tickets, I've just got to meet him in Peru.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  I phoned the MTV customer helpline and said, "I wish to complain about Miley Cyrus's performance at the Video Music Awards."

                  The operator said, "Yes, we've had a few complaints about that. Was it her flesh-coloured bikini or the gyrating dance moves you found offensive?"

                  I replied, "No, I listened to the whole thing on the radio."
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    My new Thai girlfriend is such a softy.

                    No matter what sort of film we watch, she always has a lump in her throat.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      A ship carrying a large consignment of shampoo, cosmetic products and 12 models on assignment crashes at sea. The models and captain are washed up on a remote desert island along with the cargo.

                      A few days pass, the captain builds the girls a shelter and they survive off of food he has hunted and fruits he has gathered. After a few more days they realise that rescue is unlikely and they begin to accept that nature might take its course. Several years pass.

                      One day a helicopter is heard overhead, the girls start a fire and they are located! A boat arrives and they all board. As the boat leaves the island, the captain suddenly breaks down in tears.

                      "What's wrong?", says one of the rescuers. "Is it the emotion of going home and being reunited wih your friends and family?"

                      "No", he answers. "It's just that the girls finished off the last of the shampoo yesterday. This evening would have been the first night they weren't washing their hair".
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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