First Date. Terrible. Sigh.

[MaryPoppins]

It was a while back and erm no i don't!!!

Interestingly enough (or maybe not) I met her online - MSN Chat I think.....

She sounds like a slapper. Which was good enough for you by the sounds of it...

[original PM]

well she was actually quite intelligent, could hold a good conversation had a decent job if I remember rightly.

but you do raise a good point - when you mention the word Slapper I immediately think of orange birds with gold hoop earings.

but experience tells me there are a lot of classy (to look at them) birds who bang like a sh!t house door in the wind....

its so confusing being a man sometimes.

[EternalOptimist]

[QUOTE=original PM;1008661]

but you do raise a good point - when you mention the word Slapper I immediately think of orange birds with gold hoop earings.

but experience tells me there are a lot of classy (to look at them) birds who bang like a sh!t house door in the wind....

QUOTE]

The age of romance is not dead

[northernladuk]

Being single myself (I bet that comes as no surprise to some of you ) I have done the internet/online stuff and have far too many stories.

Oddly enough I though taking the ladies for meals was the thing to do as you could at least talk about food while getting to eat out etc. Totally wrong idea and don't anymore. For me now its 1 hour coffee so the lady knows she has a get out clause and can suffer an hour or so with definate escape and NO alcohol. Works a treat but anyway...

One of first meal dates i had she went to loo after starter and guess what, never came back. Got a text a few mins later saying she had panic attack and left, can we re-arrange. This kind offer was declinded while i was sitting in the restaurant on my jack.

Another soon after I arranged to meet a girl in restaurant, she turned up and both of us realised almost immediately it was not for us. We made small talk while the food came and we tucked in with gusto to get it over and done with. I got a steak like a football and they didn't give me a steak knife so I am ripping into it and eating as fast as possible. Eventually it happens.... I swallow a piece thats too big, little cough, few swallows, nope its stuck. I could even feel it in my throat, take a drink, not happening, I am starting to panic now so I grunt excuse me and run outside. Round the corner i have both hands up against the wall and am pukin for England to get rid of this steak, making horrible wheezin noise trying to breath. 5 mins later with one huge and very loud chunder I get rid of the blockage as well as the rest of the evenings meal. Tears running down my face, sick drippin off my chin I look up to see my date standing there with a look of horror on her face. She asks if I am ok, i respond I am, she went in and guess what.... when i get there 10 mins or so later there is some money on the plate and an empty seat.

Nightmare... Still makes my toes curl thinking about it now

[original PM]

But Sir, you misunderstand me.

You can have a very romantic evening nice food, fine wines, decent music etc etc

but then this cultured, intelligent, attractive, well mannered lady turns out to have the morals of a tu'penny whore

not complaining just an observation like!

[northernladuk]

well mannered lady turns out to have the morals of a tu'penny whore

LOL says the person with 'I'd hit that' in his avatar

[EternalOptimist]

my ex missus worked in the NAAFI in Colchester when she was about 20. One of the guys invited her out for a blue-vein steak. She was a bit puzzled when he took her to a local park and asked what he was going to do about the steak, so he says 'oh, ready for the blue-veiner are you' pushes her against a tree and whips his sos out.
His eyes lit up when she pulled her dress up around her waist, only to grow dim as she ran like hell across the park and back to her room

[NotAllThere]

...

but then this cultured, intelligent, attractive, well mannered lady turns out to have the morals of a tu'penny whore...

"but then this cultured, intelligent, attractive, well mannered lady turns out to not have the morals of a tu'penny whore..."

because she didn't demand 2p for the shag.

[Churchill]

Better Jimmy than this tosser:

http://themoderatevoice.com/wordpres...no_Live8_1.jpg

He only plays 5 strings anyway...

[MaryPoppins]

Being single myself (I bet that comes as no surprise to some of you ) I have done the internet/online stuff and have far too many stories.

Oddly enough I though taking the ladies for meals was the thing to do as you could at least talk about food while getting to eat out etc. Totally wrong idea and don't anymore. For me now its 1 hour coffee so the lady knows she has a get out clause and can suffer an hour or so with definate escape and NO alcohol. Works a treat but anyway...

One of first meal dates i had she went to loo after starter and guess what, never came back. Got a text a few mins later saying she had panic attack and left, can we re-arrange. This kind offer was declinded while i was sitting in the restaurant on my jack.

Another soon after I arranged to meet a girl in restaurant, she turned up and both of us realised almost immediately it was not for us. We made small talk while the food came and we tucked in with gusto to get it over and done with. I got a steak like a football and they didn't give me a steak knife so I am ripping into it and eating as fast as possible. Eventually it happens.... I swallow a piece thats too big, little cough, few swallows, nope its stuck. I could even feel it in my throat, take a drink, not happening, I am starting to panic now so I grunt excuse me and run outside. Round the corner i have both hands up against the wall and am pukin for England to get rid of this steak, making horrible wheezin noise trying to breath. 5 mins later with one huge and very loud chunder I get rid of the blockage as well as the rest of the evenings meal. Tears running down my face, sick drippin off my chin I look up to see my date standing there with a look of horror on her face. She asks if I am ok, i respond I am, she went in and guess what.... when i get there 10 mins or so later there is some money on the plate and an empty seat.

Nightmare... Still makes my toes curl thinking about it now

Jeez, perhaps I can understand your constant frustrated tone now!