School Bully

[Ivor Bigun]

I went to a private school, and there was very little bullying. Any that did arise was stamped on hard, and there were suspensions and expulsions - even of super rich kids.

Mind you, the school ethos was bleeding heart liberal...

Hmmmm...... a product of the private sector - Did it do you any good?

[BoredBloke]

IMO, Tony is now has the following dilemma.
- Tell the child what is good for him - stick it out etc, the child cannot make the right decision.
- Listen to the child and believe that his decisions are sound ones and go with them.

I'm not going to tell him to stick it out - there are lots of other problems with the school. The support person he has had since he started school (he's 11 now) has gone on long term sick leave. She never wanted to do the high school part and we pointed this out in his last review only to be told that she would go where she was told. As we predicted she has gone off sick and the chances of her getting back are pretty much zero. The support he has been allocated flits between 2 to 3 people on a regular basis throughout the week - none of whom can read/write Braille. So when he gets homework through or work prepared for him in class it is usually wrong. The relationship between one of his support workers has completely broken down. It's obvious that she doesn't like James and from his point of view the feeling is mutual. We have brought James up to voice his opinions and that is what she doesn't seem to like.

We have had issues where the TA's have prevented him from asking the teachers when he doesn't understand things. He has to leave before the lessons end so that he avoids the crush in the school. So he misses the after class bit where you could ask the teacher a question.

He is prevented from going to any of the after school clubs because there would be nobody to support him. While I can see this from the schools point of view, it is hardly inclusive. Presumably this will be the same for school trips and holidays also.

He has a lunch time assistant has also decided that she doesn't want to work with James. Last week he was made to eat his lunch in the deputy heads office. When I asked him why he said they wouldn't tell him but he had to eat there all week. I called the school to find out why and was told that it was because he was eating with his fingers and his attitude was dismissive of her. When I explained that it is very difficult for totally blind people to eat using a knife and fork he started peddling back on that part of the argument. I asked why nobody had explained this to James he said that they didn't have time to do so and apologised - but nobody still bothered to explain this to him for the remainder of the week. I asked him for some examples of what he is supposed to have done to be sent home. He promised to send them but nothing was sent - I guess he left it on the bus or his dog ate them.

What I think has happened here is this

James is slow at eating - he can't see so he doesn't know where food is in relation to the end of his fork. If he is asked to hurry up he'll cheat and start to use his fingers. I think (and without finding out more from the school) what is happening is he is told to speed up, uses his fingers, she tells him to stop using his fingers which slows him down and then she tells him to speed up. And so it goes on. I can see why he becomes dismissive of her.

We have his review next month and I am working on documenting all the issues we have. Like how they have taken a kid who was at the top of his class academically and who enjoyed school and was a popular member of his primary school and turned him into a deeply unhappy kid who has no real friends to speak of and who now hates going to school. The deputy head is Steve Coogans brother and having him in a meeting is a chore in itself as he drives the meetings at 100mph and doesn't allow people to get a word in. My first point will be to stop him chairing it and have

[Platypus]

Sheesh Tony, you must urgently seek a new school.

Easier said than done I know.

I wish I could add something more helpful, but honestly I'm lost for words at this dreadful situation.

[Platypus]

I found this, but I'm sure you're already aware:

A list of special schools for blind and partially sighted children in the UK is available from the RNIB Education and Employment Network Centres. To obtain a copy, please contact the RNIB Helpline, telephone 0845 766 9999 or email [email protected]

[BoredBloke]

I think that is where James got the info from. He's quite thorough for an 11 year old. He's also checked them all and the one he's currently at to see their Ofsted status and what proportion go onto uni etc.

[NotAllThere]

If it's any comfort, we've encountered the same kind of attitude in Switzerland... and that's just with mild dyslexia! My wife is a teacher and she's horrified by what's going on at your son's school. Of course, if the government didn't require so much useless paperwork, the teachers might have more time... but the good ones make time.

[NotAllThere]

Hmmmm...... a product of the private sector - Did it do you any good?

tbh, I was only there 'cos both my parents were teachers there, and I got a free place. I think it probably was helpful - I got a good education up to O level. But I chose to go back into the state system after that, and don't regret it at all. And it's left me with a lingering disdain for wishy-washy bleeding heart liberalism....

[Ivor Bigun]

Tony,
All IMO,
Well done for being a Fantastic Great Dad.
I guess you didn't expect to hear that on this forum
but I reckon you deserve it - a least once in a while
Just keep going mate - when you look back you'll realise that you and your son did OK even though you didn't think so at the time.