School Bully

[ratewhore]

It all went really quiet on that front when we made it clear that if anything happened again we would take matters further - press etc.

To be honest my son is that unhappy there he rang up a school for the blind to get the information sent to him with a view to changing schools. I'll back him 110% in what he wants to do - I don't want his education to suffer because he is unhappy at school. He says he wants to go to a school that caters for his needs and to be 'with the same sort of people'. The school he wants to go to is in Worcester and he's quite happy to live out.

I predict a huge fight with the LEA in the very near future.

All the best with that then Tony. I'd do what it takes for my kids too!!

[lilelvis2000]

Crikey, I'd have thought borstal was tougher than the average private school. I guess those prep/public schoolboys aren't all the angelic choirboy types one imagines

I'm sure there's just as much -perhaps more- bullying at public schools. Those snobish types think they run the place because their father attended..and their father..and so on...

I'm not having my son get within a kilometre of a public school.

I've a fight on with the Mom over this one.

[BrilloPad]

It all went really quiet on that front when we made it clear that if anything happened again we would take matters further - press etc.

To be honest my son is that unhappy there he rang up a school for the blind to get the information sent to him with a view to changing schools. I'll back him 110% in what he wants to do - I don't want his education to suffer because he is unhappy at school. He says he wants to go to a school that caters for his needs and to be 'with the same sort of people'. The school he wants to go to is in Worcester and he's quite happy to live out.

I predict a huge fight with the LEA in the very near future.

The very best of luck.

BP

[SallyAnne]

Hi Tony,

There are different degrees of "bully" - bullies who tease, bullies who hit, bullies who hunt, and bullies who terrorise.

You can kind of forgive the first two, sometimes. Chalk them up as young foolish acts, possibly egged on by others. It doesn't make them wonderful human beings, but it doesn't chalk them up as evil either. And the kids on the receiving end will get over it - it actually CAN be charachter building for them.
An over-reaction from a parent to a "bully" like this will result in a child looking and feeling like a right prize tw*t. And shoudl be avoided.

However, the latter 2 types of bullying....the hunters and the terrorisers....they can destroy lives. They can haunt a child so much, that those ghosts never quite leave them.
They are the ones that cause kids to develop severe psycological problems, and in some cases, suicide. (Let alone the physical threats).
In this case, there is no such thing as over reaction.

Put yourself in the mind of a child who would go up to a blind kid and touch his face, let alone hit it - this isn't a normal kid. This is a mental case waiting to happen, and there isn't a strong enough way to react.

1) Primary focus is to find out who is doing it. It's a great idea to find a few alies in the school, pay them if necessary to ask around and keep an eye out. (No kids of friends at the same school?)
The CCTV is a great idea by the school too.

2) Next is to teach your kid to fight.
He must be absolutely sh*tting himself at all times, so get the sparring mat out, every night if needs be, and teach the kid to fight. He doesn't have to smack 7 bells of sh*t out of the bully...just learn to home in on where the bully's fingers are to pull back...or maybe learn where the bully's arm is to grab hold of and twist behind his back...or maybe just learn to home in on where thew bully must be standing, and use his stick to poke him in the nuts...
he needs to learn that he's not disabled - he has other senses to use. After all, it's not just about a school environment is it - you're teaching him life's lessons.

From there you could get him enrolled immediately in some sort of martial arts course? - teach him that his other senses will make him a better Warrior, etc.

He's just blind, he's not a victim - make sure you teach him that.


3) Next is to restore your kids happiness levels. Favourite meal/restaraunt/film/sport...whatever it is he loves, do it, and lots of it. The poor kid need to know that no matter what arseholes there are out in the real world, his home is a safe, warm, loving, fun, happy place - he needs to know how great his life is apart from this bully.


You are doing a great job Tony - it sounds like you've raised a great kid. Now you need to switch it round a bit and raise a great Man.

[SallyAnne]

Balls - spent the last hour reading all this and writing my reply - I thought it was all current!


Edit: And Cojak...special hugs for you

[NotAllThere]

....

He's just blind, he's not a victim - make sure you teach him that...

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[Ivor Bigun]

I'm sure there's just as much -perhaps more- bullying at public schools. Those snobish types think they run the place because their father attended..and their father..and so on...

I'm not having my son get within a kilometre of a public school.

I've a fight on with the Mom over this one.

Be careful, IMO, bullying is rife in private schools.

Why?
- The best way to describe most private schools are that they are industrial schools - they are there like any business - to make money from the parents first.

- State sector schools can't be bought off like those in the private sector.
See the film "Scent of a Woman" for an example of what you're up against - that sort of thing really does happen in the private sector.
All it takes is money "donations" to be made. For this, "little Johnny" gets to be in the right places at the right time, and also for "benefit of the doubt" decisions to be awarded when in truth, the child should be expelled.
Of course, there is no direct link - The donation is done well before by the wealthy person. Thats the understanding - its an insurance policy.....
This technique is also used to get little johnny accepted into the school!

- Make no mistake, people who are very wealthy are usually very ruthless when it comes to the social side of things - If you dare to confront "little johnny", then EXCLUSION RULES.
This is both for the child (no party invites) and adults (no dinner parties or charity ball invites).

- Bullies survive and prosper in the private sector because it is tolerated and ignored. Usually, the bullying is not direct and so it is not seen as such.
Its mostly done by peer pressure.
- Not all kids are aware of the need to NOT be a victim - these are usually the "nice" kids. If your child cannot get to grips with being assertive and backing it up when needed - their life will be hell in a private school. Once they understand the "how not to be bullied" rules, they will be a kid that you, as a parent, may think "SH*T, what an uncaring brat"

- Without exception, the worst ones are usually from rich broken homes

Having said all that, I would say that from 7 to 11, definately go private. After 11, go secondary. The child gets the benefit of both sectors

[milanbenes]

Tony, good luck

Milan.

[Ivor Bigun]

Tony, good luck

Milan.

Milan, clearly you have no children of your own but inadvertantly, you reveal the nub of the problem and maybe the glimmer of an answer.

So that we ar clear. the person who is having the hard time is the child - not Tony and no offence is intended to you.

IMO, Tony is now has the following dilemma.
- Tell the child what is good for him - stick it out etc, the child cannot make the right decision.
- Listen to the child and believe that his decisions are sound ones and go with them.

I know what I would do - Most bullied kids wouldn't be able to say what they want......IMO, it shows good character for the child to express this opinion.

Tough call - I'd look at other schools. IMO, once its started, bullying never goes away.

[NotAllThere]

I went to a private school, and there was very little bullying. Any that did arise was stamped on hard, and there were suspensions and expulsions - even of super rich kids.

Mind you, the school ethos was bleeding heart liberal...