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Where do you go when you die?

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    #31
    Horrific waking up deaf, blind, unable to move. I would go insane.
    bloggoth

    If everything isn't black and white, I say, 'Why the hell not?'
    John Wayne (My guru, not to be confused with my beloved prophet Jeremy Clarkson)

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      #32
      No Laughing in Heaven
      (Gillan,McCoy,Torme,Towns,Underwood)

      I used to be a sinner used to have my cake and eat it
      They warned me of my fate but I was quite prepared to meet it
      You'll go to Hell they smiled at me and told me of the roaring fires
      But I was happy living wild and fuelling my own desires
      I was a wild man, drinking, smoking and messing around with women
      Lots of women. No, not swimming, women

      I wanna go to Heaven
      The place to be is right up there
      I wanna go to Heaven
      It's gonna be good so I won't despair

      I decided to reform and pray, beg mercy for my soul
      I prayed in Church, threw away my bad habits
      Prayed out of Church, adopted an entirely different role
      I gave money to the poor, until I was poor
      But at least I ensured that I would go up there
      Instead of down below, to the inferno
      Where the evil flames of desire
      Burned higher and higher and higher

      I'm gonna go to Heaven
      Paid my dues so I'm getting in
      I'm gonna go to Heaven
      It's looking good if I abstain from sin

      I knocked on the pearly gates, neatly side-stepping the long queue
      Waved hi to St. Peter, who checked my card and let me through
      I smiled. threw my hands in the air
      Laughed, and got arrested
      The said 'hey man, you're in the wrong place
      You behaviour is a disgrace
      Here we pray every hour, on the hour
      Read extracts from the Bible
      And look solemn'
      What says I, no party?
      No party?
      Let me out!

      Let me out of Heaven
      I got it wrong no I can't stay here
      No laughing in Heaven
      Let me out, I just can't stay here

      Well I ran around in a state of shock and panic, this wasn't what I expected
      Here was what looked like a bunch of manic-depressives
      Can I get a transfer I screamed?
      But no. Once you're in Heaven, you're here for good, the good of your soul
      But that's no good to me
      If you want to go to Hell, you've really got to be bad
      Okay okay, I'll be bad, I'll be bad
      Too late!
      What do you mean too late?
      Too late!
      No !
      In the meantime...

      Let me out of Heaven
      I've got it wrong, no I can't stay here
      No laughing in Heaven
      Oh god it's awful here
      Going crazy in Heaven
      Take me out let me go to Hell
      No laughing in Heaven
      Don't laugh this place is Hell.

      (Copy and paste, it's great).
      Will work inside IR35. Or for food.

      Comment


        #33
        Originally posted by Xenophon View Post
        I'm almost definitely going dooooown when I die. To that hot, fiery place, with she-monsters clad in thigh-high leather boots, wielding bull-whips.

        Yay.

        That's up, not down.

        Down is this interminably dull place where all you get is a cloud and a harp.

        Comment


          #34
          Originally posted by assclown View Post
          if your karma is bad you get reincarnated as an IT contractor.

          if your karma is good you get reincarnated as some sort of higher form of life. A chimpanzee for example.

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