Kate garraway

[ladymuck]

Thing is, it's not always about paying for care it's sometimes about wanting to do it all yourself because it's your loved one and you want to be the person doing the caring. Whilst I'm not in her wealth bracket, I could have carried on working full time and easily covered care costs but I wanted to be the person caring for Mrs W, and not leaving it to some stranger. We did get help in as I struggled at times, but even then I did the lions share and only used them as support.

Social services are shyte and so uncaring. I pity anyone who needs their help. Thankfully we had a good OT who helped us get the right kit installed, and even though we paid for most of it, we did at least get the right stuff when needed.

Unfortunately though, however affluent, or poor, someone is the emotional effort is the same as you'll be aware from your parents. Money doesn't take away the love for the person you're caring for and the desperation to keep the dignity for that person.

Money isn't the only thing, that is very true; it gives you options. I'm not saying she's doesn't care or isn't carrying an emotional burden, and I didn't mean to give that impression. I think there's some careless wording (or maybe it's my cynical interpretation) in the article that reinforces her more fortunate position. I don't think she needed two spokespersons to confirm her decision to stay in her job, for example. The bit with Elton John at the end did make me wonder what relevance that had to the story. I think if he had phoned my Dad up and said he was praying for my Nan, he'd have been told to eff off (maybe that's why they're not friends...)

[NotAllThere]

I read it as she had thought about giving up work to care for him but decided it didn't make sense financially.

Also my reading.

[Whorty]

Also my reading.

It's interesting as my reading is different. I see a journey that she has gone through, will the current decision that she alone can't provide him the care he needs to assist his recovery. I also read that work has kept her 'sane' (my words, not hers, but based on my own experience), giving her something to focus on and help her keep some of her own identity.

There is obviously, currently, a difference between her situation and mine. Kate is providing care to help her husband recover whereas for me the care I provided was always end of life. But, the emotions and difficulties she and her family face will be similar.

Unfortunately someone goes through this journey of caring for their husband/wife, partner, lover, soulmate, it's impossible to understand what the person is going through. It's not just about caring for that person, it's about the whole dynamics of the relationship as it moves from husband/wife to carer/patient. If there is some hope that her husband will recover then it's not a bad thing that she tries to keep her relationship in tact.

As for Elton John ... had I played his music to Mrs W, or told her he was praying for her, she'd have given me a right earful of abuse Not surprisingly, she had even stronger views on religion to me!

[Whorty]

Money isn't the only thing, that is very true; it gives you options. I'm not saying she's doesn't care or isn't carrying an emotional burden, and I didn't mean to give that impression. I think there's some careless wording (or maybe it's my cynical interpretation) in the article that reinforces her more fortunate position. I don't think she needed two spokespersons to confirm her decision to stay in her job, for example. The bit with Elton John at the end did make me wonder what relevance that had to the story. I think if he had phoned my Dad up and said he was praying for my Nan, he'd have been told to eff off (maybe that's why they're not friends...)

Money does give options, it gave us options this past 3 years, but it also cost us a lot of money that others didn't have to spend. It's swings and roundabouts.

Have a read again of the article ... it's not a 'written in one day', it shows the journey she has gone through. And she must have gone, and still be going, on a rollercoaster. She'll want to be caring for her husband and she'll be riddled with guilt if he doesn't recover and she missed the opportunity to spend more time with him ... but then, if he does recover then hindsight will show her decision was probably right for her family.

It's really hard. I'm in a widows support group and some of the guilt I see in there and the impact on the surviving spouse is heartbreaking. This is why I get so p1ssed off with idiots like BR14 who call people snowflakes when they have absolutely no idea what people are going through, but they try to be big and clever by posting such shyte.

[vetran]

It's interesting as my reading is different. I see a journey that she has gone through, will the current decision that she alone can't provide him the care he needs to assist his recovery. I also read that work has kept her 'sane' (my words, not hers, but based on my own experience), giving her something to focus on and help her keep some of her own identity.

There is obviously, currently, a difference between her situation and mine. Kate is providing care to help her husband recover whereas for me the care I provided was always end of life. But, the emotions and difficulties she and her family face will be similar.

Unfortunately someone goes through this journey of caring for their husband/wife, partner, lover, soulmate, it's impossible to understand what the person is going through. It's not just about caring for that person, it's about the whole dynamics of the relationship as it moves from husband/wife to carer/patient. If there is some hope that her husband will recover then it's not a bad thing that she tries to keep her relationship in tact.

As for Elton John ... had I played his music to Mrs W, or told her he was praying for her, she'd have given me a right earful of abuse Not surprisingly, she had even stronger views on religion to me!

No I wasn't commenting on her experience, which sounds horrific just that she wasn't moaning.

Having watched my MIL care for my FIL and my father care for my mother I have no idea how they did it without going crazy.

How can't you love Mr Dwight's back catalogue.

[BR14]

I'll just leave this here:

I've spent the last 4 years battling with adult social care services to get help for my partner.
she's provided 24x7 care for her mother who suffered from alzheimers.
it was an uphill struggle all the way.
Thankfully, her mother died on Monday, having had very poor quality of life for some time.

This is why i get annoyed at some rich bitch whingeing in public about the possibility of having to arrange care, when she could afford to RUN several care homes.

oh, and i'm just setting things out.
I don't need internet sympathy, unlike some on here.
so sod off, snowflakes.

FTLOY

[vetran]

I'll just leave this here:

I've spent the last 4 years battling with adult social care services to get help for my partner.
she's provided 24x7 care for her mother who suffered from alzheimers.
it was an uphill struggle all the way.
Thankfully, her mother died on Monday, having had very poor quality of life for some time.

This is why i get annoyed at some rich bitch whingeing in public about the possibility of having to arrange care, when she could afford to RUN several care homes.

oh, and i'm just setting things out.
I don't need internet sympathy, unlike some on here.
so sod off, snowflakes.

FTLOY

Well you are bloody getting it!

Sorry for your loss. Blessed relief though it probably was.

- manly.

[BR14]

oh, look. there's been a heatwave

[Whorty]

oh, look. there's been a heatwave

I didn't think you wanted us to respond to you?