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Urgently needed leaving speech puns :)

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    #11
    My previous role was at London Zoo as an Elephant Circumciser, the money wasn't very good but I got some very big tips. Alas, I got fired for getting the sack....

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      #12
      My previous profession was a bus driver but that was cut short when a very large breasted lady boarded and said '£4.20 to Oldham' I gave her a fiver and told her to keep the change. That was the last time I drove a bus.
      'CUK forum personality of 2011 - Winner - Yes really!!!!

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        #13
        I am leaving as I arrived. Fired with enthusiasm
        (\__/)
        (>'.'<)
        ("")("") Born to Drink. Forced to Work

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          #14
          and you will all agree, most of my work is outstanding
          (\__/)
          (>'.'<)
          ("")("") Born to Drink. Forced to Work

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            #15
            While I've been here I've earned <insert figure permies can only dream of>. No need for anything further as they'll probably kick you out at that point.
            'CUK forum personality of 2011 - Winner - Yes really!!!!

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              #16
              Originally posted by EternalOptimist View Post
              and you will all agree, most of my work is outstanding

              Gold.
              I'm a smug bastard.

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                #17
                Not a pun but worth an airing, with apologies to A.J.Rimmer: "Over the months of this project, I've come to regard you as people I met"
                Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

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                  #18
                  WTF is a leaving speech?

                  I shake hands, say goodbye pick up my stuff hand in my badge and go out of the door.
                  I dont do cards, gifts or speeches.
                  I'm a contractor FFS not a permie
                  I'm sorry, but I'll make no apologies for this

                  Pogle is awarded +5 Xeno Geek Points.
                  CUK University Challenge Champions 2010
                  CUK University Challenge Champions 2012

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                    #19
                    Originally posted by Pogle View Post
                    WTF is a leaving speech?

                    I shake hands, say goodbye pick up my stuff hand in my badge and go out of the door.
                    I dont do cards, gifts or speeches.
                    I'm a contractor FFS not a permie
                    WTF. Are leaving speeches inside IR35 now?

                    I'm not sure how you carry yourself but when I'm leaving somewhere people are going to miss me, and I them.
                    I have often been given a bottle of Gin and a bit of a talk-up send off, to respond with "cheers, laters" followed by a run for the door wouldn't be very polite now would it?

                    I feel in all working environments it is deeply important to realise they're not resources, they're human beings.
                    I'm a smug bastard.

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                      #20
                      Originally posted by LucidDementia View Post
                      WTF. Are leaving speeches inside IR35 now?

                      I'm not sure how you carry yourself but when I'm leaving somewhere people are going to miss me, and I them.
                      I have often been given a bottle of Gin and a bit of a talk-up send off, to respond with "cheers, laters" followed by a run for the door wouldn't be very polite now would it?

                      I feel in all working environments it is deeply important to realise they're not resources, they're human beings.

                      I am adorable and get on very well with everyone I work with. I just don’t think I need to be publically 'thanked'.
                      I'm sorry, but I'll make no apologies for this

                      Pogle is awarded +5 Xeno Geek Points.
                      CUK University Challenge Champions 2010
                      CUK University Challenge Champions 2012

                      Comment

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