Urgently needed leaving speech puns :)

[BlasterBates]

After losing my job as a life guard I went to work as a Tailor, but sadly I didn't cut it.

[WTFH]

A wise man once told me that a good speech should be like a skirt.
Long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to be interesting.


They say that life is like a box of chocolates, and so is this place. Some fudge, some fruity, but mostly nuts.

[BlasterBates]

after leaving the TV repair shop I joined the navy, but I was all at sea and left soon after. My experience in the Navy got me my next job as a life guard in a swimming pool, but unfortunately I was out of my depth.

[pjclarke]

As PT Barnum said when his human cannonball resigned, 'it will be hard to find someone of the same calibre'.

[BlasterBates]

...after I left the greengrocers due to the celery dispute, I went and worked for an optician, but we didn't see eye to eye, but then I managed to get a job for a TV and Radio repair shop, unfortunately that didn't last long as we weren't on the same wavelength....

[northernladuk]

This is the second time today I've stood up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand. Last time I earned 80 quid for it.

[LucidDementia]

Well aren't you a special snowflake then

Only when compared to the likes of you.

[Pogle]

I find public thankings aren't something I choose, rather they are thrust upon me.

Well aren't you a special snowflake then

[Snarf]

While I've been here I've earned <insert figure permies can only dream of>. No need for anything further as they'll probably kick you out at that point.

Keep a timer running and tell them how much you'll be invoicing for making your goodbye speech?

[LucidDementia]

I am adorable and get on very well with everyone I work with. I just don’t think I need to be publically 'thanked'.

I find public thankings aren't something I choose, rather they are thrust upon me.