Urgently needed leaving speech puns :)

[stek]

My previous role was at London Zoo as an Elephant Circumciser, the money wasn't very good but I got some very big tips. Alas, I got fired for getting the sack....

[northernladuk]

My previous profession was a bus driver but that was cut short when a very large breasted lady boarded and said '£4.20 to Oldham' I gave her a fiver and told her to keep the change. That was the last time I drove a bus.

[EternalOptimist]

I am leaving as I arrived. Fired with enthusiasm

[EternalOptimist]

and you will all agree, most of my work is outstanding

[northernladuk]

While I've been here I've earned <insert figure permies can only dream of>. No need for anything further as they'll probably kick you out at that point.

[LucidDementia]

and you will all agree, most of my work is outstanding

Gold.

[NotAllThere]

Not a pun but worth an airing, with apologies to A.J.Rimmer: "Over the months of this project, I've come to regard you as people I met"

[Pogle]

WTF is a leaving speech?

I shake hands, say goodbye pick up my stuff hand in my badge and go out of the door.
I dont do cards, gifts or speeches.
I'm a contractor FFS not a permie

[LucidDementia]

WTF is a leaving speech?

I shake hands, say goodbye pick up my stuff hand in my badge and go out of the door.
I dont do cards, gifts or speeches.
I'm a contractor FFS not a permie

WTF. Are leaving speeches inside IR35 now?

I'm not sure how you carry yourself but when I'm leaving somewhere people are going to miss me, and I them.
I have often been given a bottle of Gin and a bit of a talk-up send off, to respond with "cheers, laters" followed by a run for the door wouldn't be very polite now would it?

I feel in all working environments it is deeply important to realise they're not resources, they're human beings.

[Pogle]

WTF. Are leaving speeches inside IR35 now?

I'm not sure how you carry yourself but when I'm leaving somewhere people are going to miss me, and I them.
I have often been given a bottle of Gin and a bit of a talk-up send off, to respond with "cheers, laters" followed by a run for the door wouldn't be very polite now would it?

I feel in all working environments it is deeply important to realise they're not resources, they're human beings.

I am adorable and get on very well with everyone I work with. I just don’t think I need to be publically 'thanked'.