Pregnancy/Maternity Questions

[NickNick]

My wife went back to work after number 1 was born. She was in a pretty senior and well paid position - she dictated the terms of her return to work and her employer complied because they wanted her back. She lasted about three months before deciding that she was no longer interested and gave up work.

I live in hope that one day she will return to paid employment instead of doing all the volunteer stuff that she does now.

You are me and ICMFP.

[MyUserName]

You know what they say -That which does not kill us only makes us stronger.

Plus I had a kip in my car at lunchtimes.

I vividly remember, one morning driving to work after a couple of difficult nights with my daughter, the massive spike of panic that went through me when I woke up doing 70 on the M3 after falling asleep at the wheel. Truely terrifying, I narrowly avoided a, probably fatal, crash.

After that I took a strong coffee in a mug every time I drove to work, kept up the habbit until I left that job a few years later and got to work by train instead.

[psychocandy]

OP - I can see your point somewhat but I'm sure everyone here will be interested to see what the client says when you tell them. To be honest, I don't think they'll be pleased to say the least.

Also, not sure about this 2 weeks off only thing. It might sound like a good idea at the moment, but not so sure you'll really be up for it when the baby shows.

But good luck with both the client and having the baby. :-)

[RasputinDude]

You are me and ICMFP.

Get in line. Wife and kids already ahead of you.

[formant]

What I - and a number of others - are trying to say is that you should be prepared for the fact that things change a lot after the birth of a child.

Just as there is truth in the saying "A battle plan is excellent until the first shot is fired", there is truth in us saying "things might change after you have had your baby".

Good luck with it...

Cheers. I'm sure 'things will change', but I don't buy the complete 180 degree transformation some claim. If you're going to thrive on staying at home post childbirth (fair enough), you've probably always been somewhat inclined that way (but no doubt that's probably hard to admit amongst anyone who's ever held a 'serious' job). I've changed since pregnancy, I now completely rule out the excessive commuting and work related travel I used to put myself through. I put my part-time PhD on hold for a year on may just quit that entirely thereafter, because it's just not that important anymore. But I didn't spend 7 years studying towards becoming a subject matter expert in a field I love and then building a career in that field to throw all that away and go live off my partner's income. That goes against every fiber of my being. I like kids, but I hate the 'mommy culture' that many women seem to love so much. I'm also stupidly unsociable, so if I wasn't working I'd end up conversing only with the baby and the dogs during the day, which would ultimately make my brain melt.

I'm determined to remain financially independent and I'm determined to play my part in taking my family's household income from 'fine' to 'pretty fantastic'. I grew up with working, career-driven parents (although my mother did take some maternity leave) and profited both from witnessing my parents' ambition as well as having a very comfortable childhood in a family that not once had to worry or argue about fiscal matters. And even working full-time, my parents were probably as 'there for me' as any parent could have been.

Yeah, things will change, but not that drastically.

[quackhandle]

Yeah, things will change, but not that drastically.

Babies are known not to follow the correct script. I spent 3 wks in neonatal with mine. (God forbid that happens to you, but still you can only plan so much).

Good luck.


Edit: good thread this, v good discussion, polite applause all round.
qh

[formant]

Babies are known not to follow the correct script. I spent 3 wks in neonatal with mine. (God forbid that happens to you, but still you can only plan so much).

Good luck.

I'll just copy what I said previously a few pages ago:
Things could always go wrong, but they don't usually. I mean what choice do I have? I either volunteer to give up the post or life forces me to give up the post (or option 3 - they decide to sack me for being pregnant) - at the end of the day the outcome is the same, I'm running a serious risk to be out of work. The route I'm trying to go down is the only one by which I'll at least stand a chance to not end up unemployed. Also, keeping the job isn't going to increase my risks for pregnancy/childbirth related issues. As per my assignment contract I am theoretically allowed to be off for a period of up to 6 weeks for sickness/maternity reasons. I'm just a bit cynical about how that would hold up in practice.

If things don't go to plan and I lose the post then so be it. Not really much I can do about it.

I shall update you guys with the outcome of this though.

[psychocandy]

Cheers. I'm sure 'things will change', but I don't buy the complete 180 degree transformation some claim. If you're going to thrive on staying at home post childbirth (fair enough), you've probably always been somewhat inclined that way (but no doubt that's probably hard to admit amongst anyone who's ever held a 'serious' job). I've changed since pregnancy, I now completely rule out the excessive commuting and work related travel I used to put myself through. I put my part-time PhD on hold for a year on may just quit that entirely thereafter, because it's just not that important anymore. But I didn't spend 7 years studying towards becoming a subject matter expert in a field I love and then building a career in that field to throw all that away and go live off my partner's income. That goes against every fiber of my being. I like kids, but I hate the 'mommy culture' that many women seem to love so much. I'm also stupidly unsociable, so if I wasn't working I'd end up conversing only with the baby and the dogs during the day, which would ultimately make my brain melt.

I'm determined to remain financially independent and I'm determined to play my part in taking my family's household income from 'fine' to 'pretty fantastic'. I grew up with working, career-driven parents (although my mother did take some maternity leave) and profited both from witnessing my parents' ambition as well as having a very comfortable childhood in a family that not once had to worry or argue about fiscal matters. And even working full-time, my parents were probably as 'there for me' as any parent could have been.

Yeah, things will change, but not that drastically.

Hmmm. Dont get me wrong I'm not having a go but you sound very career minded. Surprised that having a baby is the right thing for you at the moment.

Like some said, not sure if things will change when it arrives though.

All well and good the money thing buts its not a game to see who can accumulate the most wealth. Dont get me wrong if you aint got enough then its a problem for your family. Why such a desire to maximise income? Maximise happiness surely it should be?

But thats just it - IMHO, family etc are WAY WAY more important than career surely?

[psychocandy]

Out of interest OP - what sort of age range are you? Not going to ask a lady her age directly :-)

I found that as I got older my career/employer/work got less important to me and family became more important. I was mega keen when I first started and would do anything for employer. Now importance of work has slipped a few rungs on the ladder below my cats welfare even.

But remember the famous saying - no-one ever put on their gravestone they wish they'd spent more time in the office.

[mudskipper]

I think the problem you have is that the client will be as incredulous as us when you say you'll only need two weeks off.

The point is that things don't have to go very wrong to need extra time - just the 'normal' sort of hiccups will be enough to throw you.

I've had three kids, and I think only with the 3rd would I have been physically able to do what you are suggesting.

You'll probably be a lot more credible if you say to the client "I'm planning to have only two weeks off, but if things don't go according to plan, then x,y,z..."