Pregnancy/Maternity Questions

[doomage]

Being a parent is a serious job.

[formant]

You'll probably be a lot more credible if you say to the client "I'm planning to have only two weeks off, but if things don't go according to plan, then x,y,z..."

My wording to the client was going to be along the lines of 'Physical recovery permitting I plan to only be off for two weeks and have already arranged childcare. Should additional time off become unavoidable, I shall use my holiday allowance or initially work reduced weekly hours.' I'd like to ask them for their expectations and actually have some dialogue about the matter, to see what they need and whether that's do-able. Predictably the software project I'm on will still be in embryonic stages by then with relatively little data for me to work with. The super busy phase is unlikely to start before next summer. (I'm on only 20hrs/wk part-time on this contract as the only subject matter expert mostly because it will take a while for the workload to pick-up).

I will also advise them that from February to May (baby is due in mid-March) I will most likely not visit the office (contractually it is up to me where I work (home or office), but prior to that I'd like to stop by in person around every two weeks).

[northernladuk]

Seems this is rolling on let me throw my thoughts in but include the client in this. Remote working takes a huge element of trust regardless of how many KPI's you try and put in place. What do you think the perception of the client will be when you tell them you will be fine working part time WFH 2 weeks after giving birth? You can see that a large number of people have voiced not only concerns but practical examples of this.

Do you really think the client will be comfortable with this and be understanding bearing in mind most on here don't agree? For the record I certainly would not be happy with a contractor doing this to me. I want my pound of flesh and I don't believe I can get it from someone in that situation.

EDIT : Probably answered in previous post that appeared while I was typing this.

[RasputinDude]

Being a parent is a serious job.

I agree.

That's why I leave it to the Mrs and I just bring home the bacon.

I think that the OP is starting to feel a little got at here. We all convinced ourselves that we would / wouldn't do certain things before our children actually came along and then found that we were breaking those oh-so-solemn promises if meant an extra five minutes sleep etc.

Maybe we should lay off her a little.

[fullyautomatix]

True, but one parent has carried a child to term and that parent's bloodstream is awash with a scary cocktail of hormones that change your perception somewhat.

My wife went back to work after number 1 was born. She was in a pretty senior and well paid position - she dictated the terms of her return to work and her employer complied because they wanted her back. She lasted about three months before deciding that she was no longer interested and gave up work.

I live in hope that one day she will return to paid employment instead of doing all the volunteer stuff that she does now.

What I - and a number of others - are trying to say is that you should be prepared for the fact that things change a lot after the birth of a child.

Just as there is truth in the saying "A battle plan is excellent until the first shot is fired", there is truth in us saying "things might change after you have had your baby".

Good luck with it...

Same here. Wife in a good job as dentist. Had a baby a year ago and only now has managed to get back into work and only part time at that. Baby would not sleep without rocking, was clingy and it just wasnt possible to do anything other than take care of it 24/7.

[formant]

Out of interest OP - what sort of age range are you? Not going to ask a lady her age directly :-)

I found that as I got older my career/employer/work got less important to me and family became more important. I was mega keen when I first started and would do anything for employer. Now importance of work has slipped a few rungs on the ladder below my cats welfare even.

But remember the famous saying - no-one ever put on their gravestone they wish they'd spent more time in the office.

I'm close to the upper end of the 25-30 age range.

And I've never been one to 'do anything for an employer'. I'm the sort of person that's not once in her life made her boss coffee, nor do I kiss anyone's bum to get ahead. I never stay late and unless I get a day off in return I certainly won't work weekends. I do my job flawlessly and efficiently as that's what enables me to demand great pay and the working conditions I want. I'm not loyal to employers either. If there is a better opportunity out there I'm off. I work - most of all - for myself, so that outside of work I can have the exact (family) life I want.

Why such a desire to maximise income? Maximise happiness surely it should be?

I could never be happy living entirely off someone else, so that kind of goes both ways. Also my partner is a university lecturer - whilst stable and flexible, promotions are slow and pay doesn't go all that far. His salary alone doesn't pay for the life I want for my family (and I'm really not asking for outrageous wealth).

[formant]

Being a parent is a serious job.

Sure, but it doesn't have to be your only job.

I have been a stepmother to two young daughters for the past 3 years, I'm not new to parenting, merely new to anything under 12 months. But my other half is the expert on that chapter.

[formant]

Same here. Wife in a good job as dentist. Had a baby a year ago and only now has managed to get back into work and only part time at that. Baby would not sleep without rocking, was clingy and it just wasnt possible to do anything other than take care of it 24/7.

And you just left that 24/7 job entirely to her?
Nice.
Not.

[RasputinDude]

And you just left that 24/7 job entirely to her?
Nice.
Not.

Woah. Calm down and take a deep breath.

Sometimes, you have no choice. Not all jobs are the same; consider those in the forces, or those who *have* to go away Monday to Friday to work.

[formant]

That's why I leave it to the Mrs and I just bring home the bacon.

Well, lucky I've got someone much more involved than that.

So, what's the difference in these two scenarios?
a) Mother doesn't work, raises kid full-time. Father does f-all relating to the child but does work full-time.
b) Mother and father work flexible part-time hours each (father on full-time pay though in my case), each take care of the child part-time.

In both circumstances the child gets the same amount of parental contact and the same amount of hours are worked in total.