Pregnancy/Maternity Questions

[Wanderer]

Thank you. I am career focused but I am also lucky to have far more than average support from my other half. I've already cut back and put my part-time PhD on hold for a year due to the pregnancy and new role. I will cut back more if it becomes necessary, but then the contract is part-time and home-based so very different to the full-time office based roles

OK, sounds like you know what you are doing. Part time, WHF and a supportive partner/family will make it workable.

Get thee to mumsnet :-)

Yeah, I was just thinking that. Get out of here with all that baby talk, we're supposed to be a bunch of grumpy old contractors and now even northernladuk has gone a bit soft on us.

[mudskipper]

OK, sounds like you know what you are doing. Part time, WHF and a supportive partner/family will make it workable.



Yeah, I was just thinking that. Get out of here with all that baby talk, we're supposed to be a bunch of grumpy old contractors and now even northernladuk has gone a bit soft on us.

Aye, I'm sure we had a thread a while back on just how much vodka it was safe to lace the bottle with.

Good luck to the OP, and congratulations!

[NickNick]

God, my second literally did not sleep through the night once for the first six months.

You lucky b'stard. My first didn't go through the night till he was 3 1/2 years old.

[MyUserName]

You lucky b'stard. My first didn't go through the night till he was 3 1/2 years old.

Eeek! My daughter's scalp tore when she was being dragged out of her mum and even she was sleeping through the night before 6 months quite easily ... three and a half years - that must have almost killed you!!!

[formant]

Back to the OP, why a childminder as opposed to a nanny with new born experience or even a nursery, childminders can look after up to 6 kids of all ages. A nanny in your own home would be ideal as you'd be on hand to deal with any emergencies - even with a nursery the ratio is 1:3 and all would be similar aged babies.

Get thee to mumsnet :-) there is a forum on there aimed at professional freelance women and childcare.

I find nannies far too expensive considering that on average they have less experience than childminders and aren't professionally regulated. Beyond the first few weeks I also don't want childcare in my home - I would be far too distracted if the baby was here while I'm working. I definitely couldn't deal with a live-in nanny, I'm a very private person - having someone other than my family around all the time would just stress me out. I don't mind childminder ratios, I want the baby to be socialised from day one. The little one will be attending the same nursery as my younger stepdaughter from 6 months old - they don't take them younger than that. The childminder I plan to use is based within minutes of my partners' work, so emergencies are covered.

Thanks for sharing your experiences.

Still not too keen on mumsnet. Not considering maternity leave appears to be seen as a crime by most UK mothers.

[BA to the Stars]

You may wish to check the notice period on your contract. You may find that the client decides to terminate the contract (no reason necessary - you are merely a resource to be used as and when).

Also, you may feel differently following the birth - I am sure that the mothers on the forum will advise that it is emotionally and physically draining and heaven forbid, if there are any complications you may need to take quite some time resting. There is then post natel depression which may occur as well as other emotions which may kick in with child birth and may have you thinking differently.

I am not wishing to put a downer of things, but all of these things are not the black and white picture that has been painted but real life events which may or may not occur in your particular case and over which you will have little control.

I would be honest with the client and follow the approach that Sockpuppet advised earlier.

Hope all goes all with the birth and the role

[RasputinDude]

You lucky b'stard. My first didn't go through the night till he was 3 1/2 years old.

My word, and I thought that I had it bad at two years before number 2 slept through the night.

[formant]

You may wish to check the notice period on your contract. You may find that the client decides to terminate the contract (no reason necessary - you are merely a resource to be used as and when).

Also, you may feel differently following the birth - I am sure that the mothers on the forum will advise that it is emotionally and physically draining and heaven forbid, if there are any complications you may need to take quite some time resting. There is then post natel depression which may occur as well as other emotions which may kick in with child birth and may have you thinking differently.

I am not wishing to put a downer of things, but all of these things are not the black and white picture that has been painted but real life events which may or may not occur in your particular case and over which you will have little control.

Notice period is four weeks. As per contract of course I'm a disposable resource - finding someone to do the job I'll be doing won't be easy or quick though, which may make them more inclined to keep me.

Things could always go wrong, but they don't usually. I mean what choice do I have? I either volunteer to give up the post or life forces me to give up the post (or option 3 - they decide to sack me for being pregnant) - at the end of the day the outcome is the same, I'm running a serious risk to be out of work. The route I'm trying to go down is the only one by which I'll at least stand a chance to not end up unemployed. Also, keeping the job isn't going to increase my risks for pregnancy/childbirth related issues. As per my assignment contract I am theoretically allowed to be off for a period of up to 6 weeks for sickness/maternity reasons. I'm just a bit cynical about how that would hold up in practice.

As far as the 'feeling different after birth' - I don't believe in the magic of motherhood. Fathers all over the place return to work almost immediately and nobody complains, nobody even thinks that that too may be 'tough'. I'm one of two parents, both of us lucky to work flexibly, both of us prepared to share the baby commitment from day one (and my other half isn't new to this either). Yeah it'll be somewhat upsetting to give the baby away for a few hours per day, but that wouldn't be any easier if I waited six months or a year to take that step. I'm not expecting this to be 'easy' but I do think that the world frequently forgets that there isn't just one parent and it doesn't all have to be on the mother.

I would be honest with the client and follow the approach that Sockpuppet advised earlier.

Hope all goes all with the birth and the role

Thanks. That was my plan anyway - at no point did I consider to lie or hide my pregnancy indefinitely.

[RasputinDude]

As far as the 'feeling different after birth' - I don't believe in the magic of motherhood. Fathers all over the place return to work almost immediately and nobody complains, nobody even thinks that that too may be 'tough'. I'm one of two parents, both of us lucky to work flexibly, both of us prepared to share the baby commitment from day one (and my other half isn't new to this either). Yeah it'll be somewhat upsetting to give the baby away for a few hours per day, but that wouldn't be any easier if I waited six months or a year to take that step. I'm not expecting this to be 'easy' but I do think that the world frequently forgets that there isn't just one parent and it doesn't all have to be on the mother.

True, but one parent has carried a child to term and that parent's bloodstream is awash with a scary cocktail of hormones that change your perception somewhat.

My wife went back to work after number 1 was born. She was in a pretty senior and well paid position - she dictated the terms of her return to work and her employer complied because they wanted her back. She lasted about three months before deciding that she was no longer interested and gave up work.

I live in hope that one day she will return to paid employment instead of doing all the volunteer stuff that she does now.

What I - and a number of others - are trying to say is that you should be prepared for the fact that things change a lot after the birth of a child.

Just as there is truth in the saying "A battle plan is excellent until the first shot is fired", there is truth in us saying "things might change after you have had your baby".

Good luck with it...

[NickNick]

Eeek! My daughter's scalp tore when she was being dragged out of her mum and even she was sleeping through the night before 6 months quite easily ... three and a half years - that must have almost killed you!!!

You know what they say -That which does not kill us only makes us stronger.

Plus I had a kip in my car at lunchtimes.