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Previously on "Please put more jokes here"

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  • vetran
    replied
    A woman steps out of the shower and says "Darling, I've shaved myself 'Down there', you know what that means,don't you?"
    The chap sighed and replied "Yep, the ******* drains clogged again..."

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I must be getting old.

    I'm now watching Countdown for more than just Rachel Riley.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    It's about time we put doctor's receptionists at the border controls.

    Let's see how many illegals get past them!

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    I passed all of my exams except Greek History.


    That’s always been my Socrates heel.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    What's got four legs and an arm? A very happy pit bull...

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Jesus would now like to be referred to as Thee and Thy.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    What's the difference between a politician and a paedophile?

    Paedophiles actually care about the children.

    Leave a comment:


  • NotAllThere
    replied
    Originally posted by vetran View Post
    My gran needs eye surgery after watching the world cup...

    She has Qataracts.
    I've heard the Nile has those.

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    Do you know what floats my boat?



    A high tide.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    My gran needs eye surgery after watching the world cup...

    She has Qataracts.

    Leave a comment:


  • WTFH
    replied
    Originally posted by vetran View Post
    BBC: UK net migration hits all-time record at 504,000.

    As if we didn't have enough trouble! Now we are being invaded by nets!
    If you think that's bad, wait until you hear about the figure just of those arriving - it's gross!

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    One man's rubbish is another man's treasure.

    Not the best way to find out from your dad that you're adopted.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    BBC: UK net migration hits all-time record at 504,000.

    As if we didn't have enough trouble! Now we are being invaded by nets!

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    A really old bloke in the pub was telling me his war stories, about how he survived a mustard gas attack and got pepper sprayed as a method of torture from the bad guys.

    "So you're a seasoned veteran then?" I asked.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    It must be awesome being the CEO of an energy company.

    The money's great, and every winter you bump off more pensioners than Harold Shipman and don't even get in trouble.

    Leave a comment:

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