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Previously on "Please put more jokes here"

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  • vetran
    replied
    A primary teacher explains to her class that she's a Liverpool fan and asks her students to raise their hands if they are too.

    Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

    The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"

    "Because I'm not a Liverpool fan." She replied.

    The teacher - still shocked - asked, "Well, if you're not a Liverpool fan, who are you a fan of?"

    Mary replied, "I'm a Leeds Utd fan and proud of it."

    The teacher could not believe her ears..."Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Leeds Utd fan?"

    "Because my mum is a Leeds Utd fan and my dad is a Leeds Utd fan, so I'm a Leeds Utd fan too!"

    "Well," said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a Leeds Utd fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all the time. If your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?"

    "Then," Mary smiled, "I'd be a Liverpool fan."

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Now don?t get me wrong, I am not saying that my neighbour is a fat, lazy twit but he is the only bloke in our street who has got a snooze button on his smoke alarm !

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  • vetran
    replied
    I had to do a presentation in front of Gary Lineker, Martin Clunes & King Charles. "Crack on then", they said. "We're all ears"

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  • vetran
    replied
    I was once sitting at home when i heard a knock at the door. I opened the door and see a snail on the porch. I picked up the snail and threw it as far as I could across the road. Three years later there?s a knock on the door. I opened it and see the same snail. The snail says: "What the hell was that all about?"

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Those who've got foot fetishes love people for their soles.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I went to a disco last night. They played the twist, so I did the twist.
    They played jump, so I jumped.
    Then they played "Come on Eileen"
    ...I got kicked out after that one!

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  • vetran
    replied
    My wife left me because she said I was obsessed with James bond, I was shaken, but not stirred.

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  • vetran
    replied
    Questions have been raised over France's supply of weapons to Ukraine.

    Were they questions like "what are we supposed to do with all these white flags?"

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  • vetran
    replied
    In the 1920s we took the children out of the coal mines.

    In the 2020s the most popular game on the internet is Minecraft.

    The children yearn for the mines.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I never thought I'd say I missed the competency of Bojo

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  • vetran
    replied
    My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed........
    "It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.

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  • vetran
    replied
    Originally posted by NotAllThere View Post

    Derry Craic?
    ah no Sickipedia but they seem to share a lot of jokes. Cheers.

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  • vetran
    replied
    King Charles will not make as many foreign visits as Queen Elizabeth did.

    Because the Queen could go any distance but the King can only move one space at a time.

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  • NotAllThere
    replied
    Originally posted by vetran View Post
    I've managed to keep my energy bills down for the next few months. I used a paperweight.
    Derry Craic?

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I've managed to keep my energy bills down for the next few months. I used a paperweight.

    Leave a comment:

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